#like he hurt her sister and her future mate she’s gonna want nothing to do with him

[nestastits]

The elucien hc was going so good then BOOM (jumpscare) tamlin 😭

[warriorsbutnotreally]

Firestar Has Powers As The Fourth - AU

ooo

so I'm gonna make this a TPB thing

but I will add some afternote info

for future events

in case anyone wants to do anything with this

[which idr if this was ever mentioned, but my designs and ideas and AUs are free to use I just ask for credit]

Rusty is a kittypet who is drawn by the forest and other kittypets are cautious about him as he's always had something about him that unsettled other cats

He seems to know about things no cat does and talks about things he's seen that no one believes exists

Rusty has the ability to basically safely separate his spirit from his body and wander around in his sleep, so long as his spirit has a place to return to

One night while he does this, his spirit travelling through the forest, he notices two cats sitting together - a blue-gray molly and a tortoiseshell molly -, talking. He isn't paying attention to what they say but watches them curiously, as he's done many times, but never so close to where all the strange forest cats slept

Suddenly, after the blue-gray she-cat leaves, the other cat looks and he realizes the tortoiseshell can see him do this and it frightens him into being wide awake

Despite his fear, though, he's also curious on what's going on and he feels himself being called towards the forest

Finally, gathering his nerves, he sets out only to find there's someone waiting for him.

The tortoiseshell from before is sitting out in the open and she greets him the moment she sees him

He asks who she is and she introduces herself as Spottedleaf and she asks if he was the cat that was spying on her and her leader

He sheepishly admits to it

Spottedleaf nods and then turns to an unseen figure that steps out of hiding. It's the blue-gray she-cat.

She's Bluestar and she admits she didn't believe in what Spottedleaf saw for a moment, but is quite curious about this young tom.

They have a long talk that ends in Rusty agreeing to join ThunderClan as long as the two she-cats promise not to tell anyone about his gift, as it has lost him many friends

With no goodbyes to anyone, he follows them

Rusty grows into Firepaw and is quickly mentored by both Bluestar and Spottedleaf. When asked, Bluestar states that she's curious if he's more suited to being a warrior or a medicine cat.

He's not interested in being a medicine cat at all, but rather Spottedleaf, being the only cat who can see him when he spirit walks, just wants to learn the extent of his abilities and such and has no interest in making him be a medicine cat apprentice.

They learn the hard way that she's not the only one, as he's noticed by another cat - a sickly ShadowClan tom.

When he returns, he mentions this and Spottedleaf informs him that who he met was Runningnose. She then speculates that perhaps its those with high ties to StarClan - aka medicine cats - who can see him.

Firepaw eventually goes to full warrior training to avoid any issues with the other medicine cats

Now able to hang out with cats his own age more often, he becomes fast friends with Ravenpaw and Graypaw, though he keeps his secret from them as he's worried they'd no longer want to be friends with him if he told them

He goes through his time in ThunderClan trying to avoid using his abilities - or, at least, not using them enough to get caught doing it

His stance on this changes after Spottedleaf dies, as he realizes he could've spied on ShadowClan and seen this coming, even though he had no clue he would've needed to spy on ShadowClan at all and it's kind of a illogical back and forth with himself

He makes a quiet promise to himself to use his powers whenever he feels he should to avoid losing anyone else

After Bluestar sends him and Graystripe to find WindClan, Fireheart uses his ability to wander until he locates where they are, leading his friend in that direction

Graystripe is in awe, thinking Fireheart is just the best tracker in the four Clans and looks up to him with great fondness

As they lead the Clan back, Fireheart is confronted by Barkface, who admits he isn't sure why, but he's certain that there's something strange about the fire-orange tom and he hopes that whatever that is, that it's for the good of the Clans

Fireheart promises that he's doing all he can to help the forest, even if he wasn't born into it

Barkface liked that

The gorge scene and Fireheart saves Sandpaw, coming to terms slowly that his powers can't help him with everything

Fireheart returns and Yellowfang is now aware of his powers, as Bluestar told her while he was gone. She wants to test his limits rather than just seeing them work. [Cinder and Bracken aren't apprenticed early]

While back to training in the medicine cat den, he learns he cannot physically interact with the living while his spirit is detached

They also learn, after he travels to the Moonstone as a spirit, that he can travel to StarClan and we learn of them a bit earlier than expected. He sees Redtail's spirit and he runs to ask him what happened, but is snapped awake by the sounds of Tigerclaw interrogating Yellowfang on why Fireheart is here

Fireheart interrupts by saying he was considering being a medicine cat

Tigerclaw accepts this answer and tells him he should bring it up with Bluestar

After he leaves, Yellowfang asks if he was telling the truth and Fireheart admits that he's not entirely sure. She informs him that if he chooses to become a medicine cat, there's always a place for him, but she warns him that it's not an easy path

Fireheart is aware of this

She also then adds that he'd never be allowed to have a mate or kits.

He's also aware of this

He goes off on a hunting patrol and while he's out he stumbles across a kittypet and she stares at him from her fence, wide-eyed. He's about to leave when she calls him 'Rusty' and he realizes that this is his sister, Princess.

Princess is happy to see him

He's happy to see Princess

They talk and she reveals she's expecting kits and he starts thinking about what Yellowfang said

Fireheart has been sneaking out to talk to his sister during the day and trains his powers with Yellowfang at night

One day Graystripe drags him off to go hunting before he can leave camp and the two of them hang out for the first time in a long time. Graystripe asks if Fireheart is actually considering being a medicine cat and he admits that he isn't entirely sure yet.

Graystripe, implying to like Fireheart, tells him that he'd rather be able to share a den with him

Fireheart didn't catch on and instead jokes that, with how much Graystripe gets into trouble, that he'll be in there more often than not if Fireheart does become a medicine cat

Graystripe is not impressed and goes off to hunt alone. Fireheart is confused on why his friend was hurt, but Graystripe refuses to talk.

After some time, Fireheart realizes that he isn't the only one sneaking out of camp and he decides to investigate, even though he was doing the same thing

There he sees Graystripe hanging out with a RiverClan cat

He confronts them and Graystripe introduces Silverstream

Fireheart scolds the two of them and Graystripe counters back that he's not the only one sneaking off to see someone

Silverstream leaves the two to argue and Fireheart asks what he's talking about.

Graystripe mentions he knows Fireheart has been going near twolegplace. He asks what business he has there.

Fireheart brings up his sister

Graystripe feels awkward now

Next time he sees Princess, he says he'd have to visit less often. Princess understands.

Whitecough is spreading through camp and Fireheart avoids the medicine cat den for the day as he's not sure what he wants to do with his life.

He goes to Bluestar and asks what he should do

Bluestar is confused

He brings up how he told Tigerclaw he was thinking of becoming a medicine cat

She asks if he's being truthful

He isn't sure

She then asks what he wants to do

He's still not sure

Bluestar gives him the option to train as a medicine cat for a couple moons and he can make his choice then

So Fireheart starts his journey as a medicine cat around the same time Bluestar gets sick. Tigerclaw's attempt to kill Bluestar ends with Fireheart almost getting hit by a car, but he manages to stumble over into ShadowClan territory. He gets scolded for doing so.

Some time later we get Cloudkit in ThunderClan. He is made aware of his kittypet origins a lot sooner and Brindleface loves him regardless and her kits defend him from being bullied.

Fireheart helps heal his Clan from whitecough and, while learning herbs, ThunderClan is attacked by rogues. They win and the Brokentail is Yellowfang's son reveal happens

Fireheart confronts Yellowfang about this and the two have a long talk about what happened with her life and how she had kits as a medicine cat

He's sympathetic but then asks why they don't just change the code

She admits she isn't sure

Fireheart promises change

She laughs a bit and says "sure"

Yellowfang is busy so she sends Fireheart to gather herbs and supplies. He brings Sandstorm for help. The two hang out and bond and she apologies for being an ass when he first joined. He accepts her apology.

The two become friends

They return to learn Cloudkit, Ashkit, and Fernkit are missing. They are found by the two adults and scolded.

Fireheart and Sandstorm are like two disappointed parents and Tigerclaw warns Fireheart not to grow too comfortable around Sandstorm or the kits

Fireheart is confused

ThunderClan helps WindClan against River and Shadow, but Fireheart is forced to stay behind, despite his worries for his Clan. Yellowfang shows him how to prepare herbs for after battles

Fire grows sus of Tigerclaw after learning that Graystripe almost died and the deputy did nothing to help. Graystripe is stuck in the medicine cat den and asks Fireheart to please make sure that the tom didn't hurt Silverstream.

Fireheart promises and Graystripe purrs, calling him a good friend before passing out

Fireheart grows more worried, however, about Tigerclaw and wants to ask Ravenpaw more about what happened that day

While Graystripe is recovering, Tigerclaw seems to be watching over the medicine cat den like a hawk. Fireheart doesn't think he'll be able to leave without being noticed and wonders if he'd be able to use his powers

Fireheart stays behind for the gathering as does Tigerclaw, the deputy stating that he doesn't trust Brokentail.

Fireheart uses his powers and travels to the barn. That's when he learns, for the first time, that he can basically create a shared dream space in StarClan for cats to talk, as he accidentally brings Graystripe as he was thinking about him while creating the space.

The three talk and Ravenpaw tells them everything, seemingly still thinking this is a dream.

Fireheart later confirms this is a dream and realizes then that he can physically interact with Ravenpaw here and realizing he's more or less controlling the tom's spirit to be there.

This makes Fireheart worried, but Ravenpaw and Graystripe wake up safely.

Fireheart has Sandstorm help him get Graystripe out of camp for a bit and the three hang out and bond, warming up to each other. Fireheart is becoming aware about these feelings he's having about Sandstorm and tries to ignore them. However, he also thinks about Yellowfang and how silly the rule that medicine cats can't have a mate or kits is, especially since it's not like he'd be the sole parent of the kits.

He realizes he's thinking like this and tries to act like he wasn't imagining a life with him and another cat

Granted he's not sure who the other cat was, but brushes Graystripe off as an option, since the tom has a mate already

Speaking of, Graystripe got them a chance to talk to a cat who had seen the battle - Graypool - and thinks she may know something. They agree to meet her the next day.

Before they go, though. Apprentices. Cinderpaw goes to Sandstorm, Brackenpaw goes to Runningwind, Brightpaw goes to Whitestorm, and Thornpaw goes to Mousefur

The plot where Graypool tells them about Mistyfoot and Stormfur happens as well as Bluestar being dismissive about it remains the same.

Everything goes about the same, minus Fireheart having warrior duties and more him learning how to be a medicine cat and having conflicting feelings about the rule about not being able to have his own family. Also maybe a bit where Brokentail taunts him about the death of Spottedleaf and how ThunderClan needs kittypets to heal them, which he does his best to ignore.

Fireheart agrees to help Graystripe visit RiverClan during the flood under the terms that he's checking if the medicine cat, Mudfur, needs any aid.

They save Mistyfoot's kits and Fireheart agrees to help them while Graystripe aids a hunting patrol. Graystripe returns, but Fireheart is permitted to stay behind.

This is when he learns that Silverstream is pregnant. He's shocked, but keeps her secret. The two talk for a while and he understands why Graystripe would admire her, as she's independent and has a strong heart. While in camp, however, he notices something strange. Like a shadow is following Silverstream wherever she walks that belongs to a much different cat.

Graystripe is still secretly delivering prey and aiding patrols while pretending to check on how Fireheart is doing.

When Fireheart returns, Bluestar has many questions for him and it makes him curious, but he assures his leader that RiverClan will be okay.

Fireheart notices Tigerclaw is visiting near the medicine cat den more often and sees him near Brokentail and is curious on what's going on. He wonders if there's something going on or if Tigerclaw has developed empathy.

There is another attempt on Fireheart's life [the almost drowning], but Longtail saves him and Tigerclaw brushes off what happened and informs Bluestar about the flood

It's revealed at the gathering by Nightstar that ThunderClan has Brokentail and the other Clans are mad

Shadow and Wind invade Thunder, get chased off etc

Cinderpaw is hurt during the fight and Sandstorm uses that as an excuse to visit, despite also being hurt and needing to visit anyway.

Fireheart notices Graystripe leave camp and he excuses himself. He follows and learns Silverstream is having her kits. Sandstorm and Cinderpaw, who followed, are surprised as well.

The group of them come together and help Silverstream, but she's actively dying. Fireheart lays next to her to help keep her warm and uses his powers for the first time in a bit and manages to use his connection to spirits to keep her alive.

Also Tigerclaw arrives on the scene as he wakes up from saving her

Silverstream and her kits are brought into ThunderClan and Graystripe is revealed to be the father.

Goldenflower helps Silverstream take care of the kits while Tigerclaw yells at the small group. Bluestar takes over the situation.

In private she admits to Fireheart that Mistyfoot and Stonefur is her kits and that she hopes Graystripe knows what he's going to do.

Fireheart asks what she thinks should happen but she doesn't answer

Tigerclaw is still mad

Silverstream is not doing great and soon enough needs to be brought back into the medicine cat den

There's talks of sending her home to avoid any tension with RiverClan, especially since Brokentail is still in camp and Crookedstar would be upset if he learned his daughter was so close to a killer

After a couple days and her condition getting worse, Bluestar decides it's time to send her home, especially after Willowpelt announces that she's expecting Whitestorm's kits

A patrol is sent to get RiverClan and Crookedstar brings some of his warriors to pick up his daughter and her kits. Graystripe goes with them, worried over his kits.

A meeting is held as Cloudkit becomes Cloudpaw. Bluestar personally trains him.

One day Fireheart asks permission to have Cloudpaw collect herbs. Bluestar allows this. He brings Cloudpaw to meet his mother, Princess, instead.

Fireheart becomes Yellowfang's official apprentice now, choosing to use his powers to help, but also still keeping up on battle-training as it's helping him calm his nerves.

While Yellowfang and Fireheart are doing some light battle training to keep their skills up and also talk about Fireheart's worries about Tigerclaw when they see Tigerclaw with a group of rogues

The two run back to camp and things go the same with ThunderClan fighting the rogues and Brokentail siding with the rogues

Fireheart gets Sandstorm's help in saving Bluestar and Sandstorm goes feral on Tigerclaw for a moment before the rogues are chased off

Bluestar exiles Tigerclaw. He tries to get cats to join him, but they all say no.

Brokentail is killed and Fireheart is dragged off to the side by Bluestar and she demands him to help her chose a deputy, since she can't choose him.

He chooses Sandstorm

Bluestar trusts him and she announces Sandstorm as her deputy. Sandstorm is shocked but accepts.

ThunderClan begins recovery and Fireheart is worried about Bluestar and Graystripe - the leader being on edge and paranoid and his friend being far away with no news on how he or Silverstream are doing.

Sandstorm visits him that night and the two talk about what happened - Fireheart not mentioning that Bluestar asked him to choose a deputy - until they fall asleep.

Some time passes and Sandstorm is taking over helping the Clan quite well; Whitestorm is proud of her. She does come to Fireheart with some worry over Bluestar and Cloudpaw, but Fireheart comforts her.

Fireheart is personally worried about what Tigerclaw is doing and seeing Bramblekit only makes him worry more. He has that talk with Goldenflower about her kits

When Fireheart heads out, he noticed Sandstorm is frustrated still and he asks what's going on She mentions apprentices ceremonies and how Bluestar brushed her off about it. She expresses both worry and annoyance about this.

The two go talk to Bluestar and Bluestar tells Sandstorm to do the ceremony if she's so worried about it

So Sandstorm does. Ashpaw is apprenticed to Dustpelt and Fernpaw is given to Darkstripe.

Bluestar's mad that Sandstorm actually did that and the Clan is a little confused, but goes with it. It's also at this point that Fireheart realizes that Cloudpaw is missing, as he was busy with so much.

He asks Bluestar and she mentioned sending him off hunting right as Cloudpaw returns with a single piece of prey.

Fireheart is worried

Bluestar later drags Fireheart off to the Moonstone, leaving Sandstorm alone. She vents to Fireheart and reveals he's the only cat she trusts and she's even on edge about Sandstorm.

She asks if he's sure about being a medicine cat, even offering to drop Sandstorm as deputy and give him Cloudpaw, but he's certain.

They are confronted by a WindClan patrol and Fireheart tries to be diplomatic and use him being a medicine cat as an excuse, but WindClan is made and refuses to let them pass.

Bluestar almost gets into a fight but Fireheart almost drags her back home.

The Clan is also angry after they learn what's going on. Except Cloudpaw, who is rather unbothered.

She returns to her den and doesn't seem worried about Cloudpaw. Fireheart is worried about Cloudpaw.

Sandstorm and Fireheart talk to each other about their worries for Bluestar and Fireheart is very supportive of Sandstorm. This helps the deputy relax and she thanks him awkwardly.

The gathering doesn't go great

Things go the same with Whitethroat and Littlecloud and Yellowfang teaches Fireheart about this disease and what to do about it However Bluestar sends the ShadowClan warriors away Sandstorm helps Fireheart escort them

Fireheart explains to the two on what to do and Littlecloud asks a lot of questions. Fireheart gives what answers he can.

Littlecloud asks if he could come see Fireheart for more information and Fireheart, surprised, looks at Sandstorm, who pretends she isn't listening He then agrees

They watch the two leave through a tunnel and Sandstorm becomes a bit worried, admitting she'd never noticed the tunnel before.

She wants to tell Bluestar, but Fireheart has her promise not to, since he wants to help ShadowClan

She hesitates but agrees

Fireheart comes back and notices that Cloudpaw is just being allowed to do whatever and Bluestar isn't really training him. He drags Cloudpaw out to train but Cloudpaw is a brat about it.

Fireheart tries to counter that he originally trained as a warrior, but Cloudpaw still doesn't care

He lets Cloudpaw wander off but follows him in secret, learns he's eating kittypet food, and gets mad. He talks to Sandstorm about this and the two try to talk to him about it, but he honestly does not care what they have to say.

Soon after Fireheart helps Willowpelt give birth and he thinks about Sandstorm

He tries to push these thoughts away, but he has a lot of feelings towards her

Fireheart is training Littlecloud in Littlecloud's dreams and also sneaks to the tunnels to help anyone that is struggling

Sandstorm catches him and scolds him while also helping. Sometimes she even brings Cinderpaw sometimes, though this is less out of willingness and more out of the fact no one's allowed to tell Cinderpaw what to do, not even her deputy mentor.

Sandstorm also quietly mentions that pretty soon there will need to be warrior ceremonies.

They return to learn that Cloudpaw has been missing for a while and Fireheart panics

He uses his power to try to hunt down Cloudpaw but is unable to find him. He wakes up in an even bigger panic and Sandstorm is confused how he increased panic after a sudden nap.

He tells Sandstorm about his powers and she's surprised but promises to keep it a secret. He informs her that Bluestar knows and that, if she asks, tell her what he's doing.

She guards him as he frantically uses his powers to try to find his nephew. He even uses a moment to inform Littlecloud, who can see him naturally now, and the small tabby promises to help keep an eye out.

During one of his wake ups, he learns from Sandstorm that Bluestar and Whitestorm are aware of what's going on - with Whitestorm to a lesser degree as both she and the leader talked vaguely about Fireheart's powers.

She also brings up that cats are starting to whisper about how much time she's spending helping him.

He's confused for a moment but becomes flustered when he remembered how he was thinking of Sandstorm while helping Willowpelt.

He asks if she's upset he became a medicine cat and she says no, but seems to be holding something back

He then asks if it's possible if the two can remain close and she's confused before he elaborates that he likes her a lot but there's not much that can be done. Even then he goes on and adds that he wants there to be a change because he cares about her a lot. She cares for him, too.

They begin secret dating with plans to make their dating not a secret in the future.

Worries and stress grow through the Clan and there's a small point in time that Fireheart has to stop searching for Cloudpaw in order to help the Clan.

Everyone's worried about Bluestar

While grabbing water for the queens and herbs for Yellowfang, he encounters Graystripe and realizes it had been a moment since he thought of his friend and he feels a little guilty

Graystripe talks about Silverstream's condition and how she's still alive but a lot weaker than before. Still, she's kicking and refuses to go down.

Fireheart is happy to hear that and gives Graystripe some herbs to take back to Mudfur to help Silverstream.

the plot with Mousefur and Thornpaw is about the same, though Fireheart comes to help with Runningwind. While the patrol chases away ShadowClan cats, Tigerclaw attacks Fireheart while he's alone and Fireheart fights back

Tigerclaw actively tries to murder Fireheart with the help of rogues, but Graystripe and a RiverClan patrol help and Tigerclaw is chided for trying to harm a medicine cat

The rogues are chased off, Runningwind is buried, Whitethroat is given a proper funeral, and he vents to Yellowfang about Tigerclaw.

After his wounds are taken care of, he casually brings Sandstorm out of camp to get help gathering herbs, except they just cuddle and talk and she expresses her worries to him

Ravenpaw stumbles across them and chooses not to ask questions, instead informing them of a kittypet with a ThunderClan scent

Fireheart is surprised, Sandstorm is cautious, and in the end they decide to go. Fireheart considers using his powers to make sure, but Sandstorm asks what other ThunderClan cat would willingly become a kittypet.

They have a small argument as he doesn't believe it was willing and she does apologize while they travel.

They Cloudpaw rescue goes the same, including the confrontation with the WindClan patrol. WindClan is still mad at ThunderClan, despite Fireheart's best attempts to be reasonable.

The fire also still happens in about the same way, but Fireheart comes out the full medicine cat of ThunderClan and has a Tigerstar child with him

While in RiverClan, Sandstorm is working hard to keep ThunderClan under control and safe.

Fireheart checks with Silverstream and Graystripe and meets Featherkit and Stormkit. Silverstream still isn't doing the best, but Mosspelt is shown to often help take care of the kits when Silverstream's having one of her weaker episodes.

Fireheart is worried about her but Graystripe is confident that she's going to be okay. Fireheart notices the shadow from before does seem weaker.

Fireheart, Sandstorm, and Graystripe go to check on ThunderClan's camp after the rain puts the fire out. Yellowfang is dying and she talks to them before passing away.

Fireheart is not, even more officially, the medicine cat of ThunderClan. Sandstorm expression worry but he comforts her, both as now the sole cat in charge of healing and as her mate.

ThunderClan returns to their territory, Bluestar declares war on StarClan, Sandstorm starts rebuilding ThunderClan's camp, and Fireheart and her worry over Bluestar only grows.

Bluestar refuses to go to the gather and a stressed out Sandstorm takes over, just getting more and more frustrated to the point Fireheart is hardly able to help.

As they talk about their future and what they're going to do, they get to the gathering to find Tigerclaw is now Tigerstar of ShadowClan.

Sandstorm is angry and calls Tigerstar out for the shit he did to ThunderClan. Tigerstar remarks that he's here to make ShadowClan strong and that ThunderClan is made of weak, know it all cowards.

This is a very unpeaceful gathering and it ends early with ThunderClan barely getting through their news without Tigerstar egging Sandstorm on and pissing her off He insults her covering for Bluestar and taunts ThunderClan about Fireheart until they leave.

Sandstorm informs everyone about Tigerstar and Bluestar is absolutely no help in the situation, confiding her worries into Fireheart and once more making another offer to make him deputy.

Fireheart misses Yellowfang and isn't sure what to do in this situation, still denying the role.

Time passes and ShadowClan is quiet. There is some worry over dogs, so Sandstorm sends a couple patrols at her former mentor's request to soothe any troubled minds.

Fireheart and Sandstorm learn from Graystripe that Crookedstar's unwell and Leopardfur is taking charge of RiverClan. He also brings up how Silverstream is at least healthy enough for short patrols.

That night, Fireheart has a dream and hears the words 'pack, pack, kill, kill'

Worried for Silverstream, he goes to check on her as a spirit only to be confronted by the shadow of a molly who seems to be weakened greatly.

She hisses and attacks him and he's surprised to find that he's actually hurt, causing him to realize that she's a ghost

She's angry that Silverstream is alive and tries to attack him again, seeing it as his fault - also vowing to "get rid of her little scraps with her".

Fireheart manages to chase her off

He returns and is overwhelmed with everything that just happened.

He hears the mentors talking about their apprentices and Sandstorm agrees that they should be made warriors. She's tired of waiting for Bluestar and admits she's tempted to do the warriors ceremony without the leader.

The other cats are in agreement.

He is drawn to the medicine cat den by the sound of Snowkit getting hurt. The whole confrontation with Snowkit happens and Fireheart decides to watch over the kit.

He goes for the medicine cat meeting and learns what all is going on in ShadowClan. That night he spends the time trying to figure things out by himself, but does talk to Yellowfang and Spottedleaf for a bit for their feelings on the matter.

While out gathering herbs, he comes across Sandstorm who came across Princess and stops Sandstorm from smacking his sister by revealing that she's his family

Sandstorm is understanding

They learn that dogs are missing and on their way home, they pass RiverClan and learn that Tigerstar is manipulating Leopardfur and that Graypool is missing

Graypool's death happens

After he returns he also learns Snowkit is deaf. Bluestar does not like this and Speckletail does not like Bluestar. Sandstorm currently also doesn't like Bluestar.

Speckletail and Brackenfur work together to try to train Snowkit with express permission from Sandstorm

Fireheart overhears talks about dogs and learns they found dog scent at Snakerocks. He also overhears Sandstorm and Bluestar's very vocal fight about this and starts heading to the nursery to get away from it when the hawk comes

He makes a made dash to Snowkit and gets hurt as he's almost grabbed by the hawk.

Bluestar is angry at Fireheart being reckless and shows this is more of a sign that StarClan wants to fight ThunderClan.

Fireheart is hurt and needs medical attention but is also ThunderClan's only medicine cat Still, he aids Sandstorm in calming cats down

He gets help from Sandstorm, Brackenfur, and Cinderpaw. They help patch him up, help Snowkit calm down, and he thanks them, joking that they'd be good medicine cats.

Sandstorm scuffs his ear for being an idiot

That gathering that Bluestar leads goes about the same and Sandstorm has to do damage control.

Fireheart learns from Sandstorm that Bluestar wants to start a war with WindClan. They agree on a plan to fake a sign for Bluestar and then just politely ask Tallstar to talk things out.

While they're getting ready, they spot Darkstripe with Goldenflower's kits outside of camp and Sandstorm goes off on him. She bans him from being near the kits and leads them back to camp. Fireheart goes off without her.

He gets Tallstar, makes a sign for Bluestar, and they go for a peaceful meeting.

The meeting is pleasant, but afterwards Bluestar goes off on Fireheart and Sandstorm and warns them that there will be no more treachery like that Sandstorm tries to argue, but Fireheart becomes actually worried for her safety and stops her

Bluestar goes missing for a bit, having gone to Highstones, and comes back with news about her time there and mentions the pack thing.

During one leaffall day, Swiftpaw comes running in from a patrol and mentions how RiverClan attacked a border patrol. Fireheart gathers his supplies and runs to go help.

Sandstorm is unable to stop him.

He comes in time to see Mistyfoot and Stonefur about to kill Bluestar and he stops them. They're confused and confrontational about a medicine cat being on the front lines.

Fireheart reveals that Bluestar's their mother. They don't believe him.

He is then almost thrown by Leopardstar, who is stopped by the warriors, warning her that he's a medicine cat. Leopardstar implies he's an idiot for being in the way of dangers and threatens him harm, only to be chided by her deputy, Stonefur.

RiverClan gets driven away

Fireheart helps cats with their injuries on the way back.

Bluestar holds a warriors ceremony. But only for Cloudpaw. Who is now Cloudtail.

The mentors are angry but she refuses to listen. Sandstorm goes to yell at her for a bit.

While this is going on, Swiftpaw storms out of camp with Cinderpaw, Brightpaw, and Brackenpaw behind him. Brackenpaw s trying to convince them to stop and Cinderpaw was on her brother's side until Swiftpaw made some good points.

Brackenpaw eventually falls back and goes to warn his Clanmates.

Fireheart watches in worry as Sandstorm, Whitestorm, Longtail, and Cloudtail go out to find them.

It takes a while, but they come back injured with three equally injured and scared apprentices. Fireheart tends to their wounds, stressing out greatly over Swiftpaw, who is the most injured. He's worried the apprentice won't make it through the night.

Sandstorm takes over the situation again and decides to hold proper warrior ceremonies, stating that this shouldn't have happened and expressing her disappointment in Bluestar quite loudly.

She makes the apprentices warriors; Cinderstorm, Brightsong, Brackenheart, Thornclaw, and Swiftstrike. She also goes on to make herself Tawnykit - now Tawnypaw's - mentor, has Cinderstorm mentor Bramblepaw, and has Brackenheart mentor Snowpaw - with help from Speckletail.

Bluestar is absolutely outraged and confronts her at the Clan meeting.

Sandstorm isn't having Bluestar's bs.

Bluestar than proceeds to demote Sandstorm and forces Fireheart to play the role of both deputy and medicine cat.

Everyone is confused and concerned, especially Fireheart, who has enough shit going on.

Fireheart spends his time taking care of the injured cats while trying to keep Bluestar calm and also doing what he can as deputy - while just doing what Whitestorm and Sandstorm tell him what to say and do as deputy.

He is overworked

He's still dragged off to the gathering, too, where he looks and feels terrible. He learns Graystripe's kits are apprentices and Tigerstar tries to get custody of his kits.

Bluestar's tempted but Fireheart manages to reason with her

Fireheart is taken away from camp for a bit by Cloudtail, Sandstorm, and Brightsong under the lie to their leader of a patrol. They meet Princess and she is worried.

The meeting with Princess happens and Fireheart passes out the moment he's in the medicine cat den.

He wakes up to Longtail, who expresses worry about dogs in the territory. He only agrees to go with him if he can take Sandstorm and Whitestorm. Longtail agrees and is surprisingly understanding.

Fireheart and Sandstorm take some time alone to be together and just breathe. They're mildly affectionate and she tells him to send patrols this way.

He promises she'll be deputy again

Brindleface death reveal goes about the same

Fireheart teams up with the Clan to make a plan to lead the dogs away from camp and eventually steps back as Sandstorm takes control and lets her be deputy.

He catches Darkstripe again with Goldenflower's kits and Whitestorm keeps a close eye on them.

Fireheart is on the sidelines, ready to help in case something goes bad.

Everything goes okay until the dogs scent him instead of their next target - thanks to Tigerclaw - and Fireheart is forced to flee from the dogs until Bluestar saves his life and gets him out of danger.

The dogs get chased over the edge and Bluestar dies.

The first thing he does is give Sandstorm back her proper place and she's ready to become leader of ThunderClan.

Bluestar is brought back to camp, the funeral, Mistyfoot and Stonefur go back to RiverClan, Sandstorm is announced as the new leader, and Fireheart joins Sandstorm on their trip to the Highstones.

While there they talk about talking to StarClan about their relationship and Sandstorm assures that she has a plan.

Fireheart is confident in her.

Sandstorm becomes Sandstar and gains lives from Lionheart, Redtail, Rosetail, Runningwind, Brindleface, Sunstar, Yellowfang, Spottedleaf, and Bluestar.

Immediately after, now a leader, she states loudly that Fireheart is her mate and she's going to get rid of the rule that they're not allowed to be together because of his role in the Clan

Fireheart is a lot less confident

Surprisingly, however, a lot of the cats are on Sandstar's side. Especially Yellowfang. They agree to talk this over and remind Sandstar that 'leader's word is law'.

After they wake up, Sandstar's very proud of how that turned out while Fireheart's still in shock. She asks him to be her mate, officially this time. He agrees.

They spend the night at Ravenpaw and Barley's and Sandstar and Fireheart have the same horrible dream. When they wake up they make quick goodbyes and hurry back to camp.

The first thing Sandstorm does when she arrives at camp is make some announcements; She names Longtail as her deputy, she announces that ThunderClan will allow medicine cats to take mates - and implies she and Fireheart are together - and tells ThunderClan that they need to prepare for whatever Tigerstar does next.

ThunderClan is a bit mixed about that second message, but they're pretty okay with everything else.

Fireheart expresses to Cinderstorm his concerns about her apprentoce and the warrior counters him, saying that Bramblepaw is a proud young warrior.

He apologizes.

Sorrelkit almost dies and Fireheart saves her. Darkstripe is cornered and forced to admit his crimes before being immediately exiled. Fernpaw's new mentor is Longtail and Longtail does not defend Darkstripe or his actions

There is worries about rogues in the territory and that night Fireheart wanders as a spirit and discovers BloodClan for the first time

He is shaken awake by his own shock

While visiting Graystripe, Fireheart learns more about what's going on in RiverClan and there's genuine worry about the safety of him and Silverstream. Silverstream has fully recovered and has been trying to reason with Leopardstar.

Fireheart brings this news to Sandstar and Sandstar's ready to start a fight with Tigerstar

Tigerstar fails to bring ThunderClan and WindClan into TigerClan and Sandstar goes off on him and Leopardstar She even calls Leopardstar a coward for allowing this tom anywhere near her Clan

Sandstar goes off on her own for a bit to clear her head and Fireheart takes this moment to check on the apprentices and see how they're doing

They could be doing better, especially Tawnypaw and Bramblepaw

Sandstar comes back and vaguely mentions a vision but doesn't go into details.

Ravenpaw had been on his way to pay his respects and check on his old Clanmates when he had stumbled across Silverstream who begged for help in RiverClan

Fireheart, Sandstar, Ravenpaw, and Silverstream go to RiverClan to see what's up

Mistyfoot, Stonefur, Featherpaw, and Stormpaw are in danger. Graystripe is also in danger, but is being held apart from them. Stonefur almost dies when Graystripe breaks out of his containment and helps Stonefur fight Darkstripe and then Blackfoot.

While this fight is going on, the guard for the other prisoners is distracted and the three other halfClan cats are rescued

Sandstar is about to have them go back for Graystripe and Stonefur when they realize that Graystripe is down and Stonefur is about to die next

Leopardstar is unable to watch this anymore and asks for the chance to talk to her deputy

Tigerstar is skeptical but allows this

Leopardstar proceeds to let Stonefur run away [reason being that she was still heavily bothered by Sandstar's words and the drawn out death was getting to her]

Stonefur is badly injured, but the ThunderClan rescue patrol manages to help him

Silverstream is distraught over the loss of her mate and the apprentices are shocked to hear their father is dead

They also learn, after returning, that Tawnypaw ran off while they were gone and no one knows where she is

Ravenpaw tries to help them find her, but parts ways when they can't, promising to keep an eye out for her.

While they're trying to help the RiverClan cats settle - Mudclaw arrives with the news that ShadowClan specifically has attacked WindClan

Fireheart stays behind, but sends Sandstar and her cats off with herbs for those wounded

After a moment, Longtail is sent back to grab Fireheart to help the wounded WindClan warriors. Fireheart follows and is horrified at the sight of what happened to WindClan.

Sandstar decides to confront Tigerstar once and for all next chance she gets and spends the night with Fireheart to soothe her mind

At the meeting, Tallstar and Sandstar both formally reject Tigerstar's offer once again, Tawnypaw's location in ShadowClan is revealed, Bramblepaw stays firmly right next to Cinderstorm - who is a good mentor to him, and BloodClan arrives.

Fireheart reveals to Sandstar he had seen these cats before when he had been looking for the rogues that had been a problem

Scourge, the leader of BloodClan, publicly and horrifically murders Tigerstar, is hostile to the Clans, and gives the Clan a short amount of time to decide if they're going to live or die

Barely able to comprehend what just happened, ThunderClan prepares for what's about to come and Sandstar begs Fireheart to not do anything rash and stupid

He tries his best to promise, but he himself knows that that's a big promise to need to keep

Ravenpaw and Barley join to help the fight

Fireheart and Cloudtail also go to warn Princess about BloodClan to make sure she's safe

Sandstar has another dream and brings Fireheart, Longtail, and the sheltered RiverClan cats along to try to be diplomatic with RiverClan and ShadowClan

They are brought to Fourtrees and the lot of them talk it out. Sandstar, though through some rather 'tough love' means, manages to spark inspiration in Leopardstar and Blackfoot. Leopardstar also formally apologizes to Mistyfoot, Silverstream, Stonefur, Featherpaw, and Stormpaw.

Most of them accept the apology and Leopardstar is understanding about it

She also takes a brief moment to thank Sandstar, but keeps it short and simple and follows it up with RiverClan agreeing to help

Blackfoot isn't here for that mushy stuff and just agrees

Also they learn why Tawnypaw left. She decides to stay in ShadowClan.

Speckletail and current queens are left in charge of camp, as well as Swiftstrike, who wants to tear apart any cat who gets past the Clans' defenses

They go and the battle against BloodClan begins

Whitestorm is still killed by Bone, the apprentices kill Bone, Longtail is almost killed but is saved by Fireheart [and then scolded by the deputy], and while Fireheart retreats to a safe distance, he is almost killed by Scourge

The small cat is about to absolutely obliterate him when Sandstar saves his life and throws Scourge off of him

He watches as Scourge turns and Sandstar loses her first life

Shocked, he runs at Scourge and fights the tom. Sandstar comes back to life as Fireheart kills the BloodClan leader.

BloodClan is chased from the forest

Some other deaths to note; Thornclaw is killed in the battle and Mistyfoot dies of infected wounds days after

And that ends TPB

For some after notes;

Squirrelflight and Leafpool are probably born a sooner than they were in canon and Leaf gets mentored by her father.

Bramblepaw gets the warrior name Brambleflower, more in honor of his mother than ever thinking about his father. Brambleflower likes this. Tawnypaw still becomes Tawnypelt.

Snowpaw becomes Snowtail, Ashpaw becomes Ashfur, and Fernpaw becomes Ferncloud.

Sorrelkit, Rainkit, and Sootkit become Sorreltail, Rainwhisker, and Sootfur

The other Clans are skeptical about the fact that ThunderClan's leader is openly with their medicine cat, but there's only snide remarks at gatherings and no proper confrontation

Snowtail and Ferncloud get together and Ferncloud helps cats learn kitty sign language and helps translate things for her mate

Brightsong and Cloudtail still get together

Swiftstrike and Dustpelt get together and can butt heads on certain issues, but still love each other

Sorreltail and Brackenheart still get together

Cinderstorm gets with the kittypet, Cody, who joins ThunderClan and the two are a happy couple. Cody is a permaqueen and that's an okay and valid thing to do.

This is about as much as I got-

Also Fireheart s 100% aware of his daughter's relationship to Crowfeather and is okay with it as long as he makes her happy

[yabai-korra]

Eris getting some of Nesta's powers and his importance in the future

Y'all I'm 90% sure some of Nesta's power has been transferred to Eris, at first it occurred to me in a sort of "ha, could be" way but I'm pretty certain, hear me out! Also going to touch on the subject of Nesta not losing her powers completely.

The power in the dagger

Nesta Made the dagger and put some of her own power into it, and then Eris got that dagger as a present by Inner Circle, which wasn't really a necessary scene nor plot point unless you read between the lines.

KINGDOM OF ASH SPOILERS AHEAD!

We have seen the exact same thing in Kingdom Ash, Aelin lost all of her power but an ember, but beforehand put it in her sword Goldryn and whooped Maeve's ass, actually head lol, with it. Having power shoot out of her hands and her sword felt pretty much the same so I'm sure Nesta will be equally powerful in the next book! Not only does she have a bit of her power left, three weapons filled with her power, and the Dread Trove. Nesta is still the most powerful character 😎

If Nesta can put some of her power into a weapon, it doesn't seem like a stretch at all for the power in the weapon to get out and into a person.

Eris only pretended to be influenced by Koschei

This one was kinda obvious to me from the moment I read it, no psychoanalyzing needed.

Nesta and her weapons were said to "probably" grant immunity from Koschei's power because they were both Made, and Eris had the dagger while he when he was captured.

Every person that has been possessed by Koschei has been said to have glassy eyes, EVERYONE except Eris!

Eris's soldiers had glassy eyes.

Bellius had glassy eyes.

Cassian had glassy eyes.

Eris is the only "possessed" person to get "accidentally" caught.

Eri's soldiers said nothing, and it was Briallyn who reveal that Bellius and Cassian were possessed.

Out of Cassian, Bellius, Eris, and his soldiers, Eris is undoubtedly the slickest and most cunning one. Comparison between him and Cassian has been dragged throughout the whole book, while Cassin is the muscle, Eris plays mind games and politics.

ERIS IS THE MASTER AT WORD GAMES! How did Cass and Az realize he was possessed and therefore Koschei being there? THROUGH ERIS USING A WORD GAME he knew only Cass and Az will pick up on.

Are y'all trying to tell me that Eris, who supposedly had immunity from the Koschei's power, didn't show the only sign of being possessed which is glassy eyes, had accidentally said something that will let Cass and Az know he's "possessed"?

Golden flames

The word "flame" has been used in 4 different contexts throughout the book

a) actual fire in the fireplace

b) silver flames in Nesta's eyes

c) flames in Lucien's eyes

d) flames in Eris's eyes

We know that Autumn Court's power is fire, both Lucien and Eris were described to have red flames in their eyes, which is completely expected right?

Eris was said to have flame/red flame multiple times, but I'm only allowed ten pics per post, and obviously not gonna put quotes of Nesta's silver flames cause it's literally the title lol.

Then, when Eris was "possessed" and held a dagger to Cassian's chest, it was said that flame rippled from it, and Cass didn't know if it came from the dagger itself or from Eris.

My guess? Both or combined! When Eris received the dagger, he said that it has flame in it, and Eris is said to have had flames in his eyes previously.

Last but not least, AFTER Eris had been "possessed" and AFTER the dagger was returned to the Night Court, ERIS NOT LONGER HAS RED FLAME IN HIS EYES, BUT GOLD.

This was in the penultimate chapter! Aka the chapter before the last. SJM always takes great care to put something important or foreshadowish at the end of each book. The last chapter was obviously Nessian and Archeron sisters, since it was the Nessian book and the three sisters are all finally happy together (plus announcing the next book as Elain's) but chapter before that... about Eris? Interesting.

There was so much about him there I for a second thought the next book is going to be about him lol. So much to unpack in that chapter:

Eris was tortured by his father for information (which I think is the hint for Eris not being possessed).

Eris still insists there are some things about him and Mor that Mor hasn't told the Inner Circle.

He wants to explain something to Mor.

He obviously just wants to be friends with the Inner Circle (but that's a discussion for another post).

Cassian, who hates Eris with burning passion throughout the whole book, says he thinks Eris is a good guy, but is too much of a coward to act like it.

It was hinted that Beron did much worse things to Eris during his life, "The male had been raised with every luxury and privilege - on paper. But who knew what terrors Beron had inflicted upon him? Cassin knew Beron had murdered Lucien's lover. If the High Lord of Autumn had been willing to do that, what wouldn't he do?" If you ever read any SJM serials you would know that this wasn't put here just because, it's always foreshadowing with her.

"Because it doesn't add up. You know what a monster your father is and want to usurp him; you act against him in the best interests of not only the Autumn Court but all of the faerie lands; you risk your life to ally with us... and yet you left her in the woods." - Cassian. Do you see all the material for the future book?

"Eris crossed his arms, then winced. As if whatever injuries lay beneath his immaculate clothes ached." I THINK THIS IS A DESCRIPTION OF NOT ONLY ERIS'S CURRENT SITUATION, BUT HIS WHOLE LIFE. As Cass said, born in luxury, raised by a monster.

Eris is generally very fucked up? Not only was it in this last chapter, but it was stated multiple times that his upbringing really damaged him. When Cassian was surprised by the fact Beron tortured him, Eris responded with: "Get that pitying look off your face. I know what sort of creature my father is. I don't need your sympathy." That is an extremely fucked up way to respond to being tortured by one's father, and implicates he was subjected to similar misery earlier in his life.

"Nesta could see he didn't believe them - that he was so used to twisted politics and scheming of his court that even when the simple, easy truth was offered, he could not see it." Again, very messed up mindset, which in the author's language means writing material.

The last line said to Eris in the book is: "Eris was still their ally. Was willing to be tortured to keep their secrets. And Cassian didn't need to be a courtier to know his next words would slice deep, but it would be a necessary wound. Perhaps it would be enough to push him in the right direction. "You know, Eris, I think you might be a decent male, deep down, trapped in a horrible situation." He looked over his shoulder to find Eris's gaze blazing again. But only pity stirred in his chest, pity for a male who has been born into riches, but had been destitute in every way that truly mattered. In every way Cassian had been blessed - blessings that were now overflowing. So Cassian said; "I grew up surrounded by monsters. I've spent my existence fighting them. And I see you, Eris. You're not one of them. Not even close. I think you might even be a good male. You're just too much of a coward to act like it." This was said by Cassian, whom Eris insulted every time they interacted, who hurt his sister, who wanted to steal his mate, whom Cassian said he wanted to kill or leave to die on so so many occasions, who made Cassian feel stupid and insecure every chance he had, and yet Cass of all people found it in his big good heart to see the good in Eris and try to push him to be good.

And now, his eyes burn with golden flames.

There is so so much to unpack and reveal about Eris's character, and SJM couldn't be more obvious with pointing it out. He is definitely going to play a huge role in the next book(s). With his possible new powers, overthrowing Beron, healing from all the emotional and physical trauma inflicted upon him, revealing a lot of secrets he's been keeping, and finding a way to show his true colors.

Also I think Nesta might be the one to help him with it because she at some point says that she deserves to marry him because "she is just like him", and not only in a way that they both insulted Cassian. They both had/had demanding parents which made them cold and unfeeling, preferring to appear as assholes because they don't want and don't know how to be their true kind selves. I think she would a great friend and the best person to help him deal with everything.

And the way Eris obviously likes her which we've seen when they were dancing. How he saw that she really liked spinning around so he went out of his way to spin her on multiple occasions even though it wasn't in the dance protocol. I'm pretty sure that was his way of getting closer to her because he obviously can't do it with words.

[mymelodyheart]

Miles Between Us Chapter 10 ~The Art of Non-Communication

WARNING: MILD SEXUAL CONTENT

Previously in The Mediation

"Three million pounds for a house!" Jenny broke through his reflection. "Doesn't it make ye wonder what else she inherited?"

Jamie looked at the paper again.  That's what the house is worth? Ach, Christ!  Even the Oxford gossip found its way to Broch Mordha. He knew Claire would be mortified if the news of her assets became everyone's favourite topic of conversation.

Folding the note, he handed it back to his sister. He shook his head at his sister. "Not a word about this to any of yer mates!" he warned her. "Or else ..."

Jenny's eyes widened. "What do ye take me for?"

"A babble merchant," he ribbed, unsmiling. "Now, let me be."

"Ye're no' angry at me still, are ye?"

"No," he sighed. "I'm just exhausted."

"Can I do anything for ye?"

He puffed out a breath. Jenny was looking at him earnestly, and he knew she only wanted to reach out. "Aye, in fact, ye can. Ye can arrange that appointment with the therapist for me."

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

If you wish to read this from the beginning:

AO3 link

Tumblr link

  Jamie was removed from the noise of Lallybroch's homely routine when he stepped inside the shower that barely allotted for his breadth and height. He stroked the erection he'd been sporting since he'd woken up from his dreams of Claire, his elbow occasionally hitting the wall. If he kept this pace up, there would be some damaged tiles to answer for by the time he finally climaxed.

Creamy pale skin and amber eyes seeped through his mind, and he stifled a groan, the throbbing flesh in his hand swelling to the point of anguish. It was the reason he'd escaped to the shower when his dad had woken him, the image of Claire still vivid and the need to spill urgent. But the act of pleasuring himself was tainted with guilt. It didn't feel right using the memory of them together to find completion when he'd left her on her own. Not only did it make him a sick lecherous human being, but his action defied all reason and logic. 

Anyone in their right mind wouldn't be depriving themselves if they had what he and Claire had, but instead, here he was, on self-imposed retreat, his hungry thoughts reliving that time she'd been on her knees taking his entire length in her sweet, sweet mouth. Depravity kicked in, and his body responded to the memory in a fast, fluid rush. Every moral compass he'd had, went from dried cement to loose sand, and nothing could contain the rampant desire to relieve the pressure between his legs. 

He propped his left hand on the wet wall and quickened the pace of his strokes, the tight fist travelling from the base of his hardness to the engorged tip. 

"Christ," he gritted, hoping he could finish without the repercussion of self-loathing and feeling like an unredeemable bastard. 

Ye left her! In tears!

It's for her own good. I'm taking steps to make myself better ...for her.

What if she gets sick and tired of waiting for ye to sort out yer issues?

No, no ...she understands. 

Ye havenae called her.

I'll see her after the therapy, for fuck sake.

Guilt made him want to dim the image of Claire sucking him, but the heavy sack hung between his thighs wouldn't be wheedled into emptying without envisioning her. 

He was so close. He replayed Claire's most recent voice message in his head, her voice husky and yearning. She must have been in bed wearing nothing but his shirt.  I love you, Jamie. I wish I could hold you right now and ease your pain.

"Ah, fuck!" Jamie groaned as convulsion racked his body. "Christ, Sassenach." His seed spurted from his cock in what felt like an endless surge of the tide. Back and forth until he was compelled to release his flesh to brace himself with both hands on the tiled surface while the remnant of his release washed down onto the shower floor.

The water had turned tepid by the time reality came streaming back in. Steeling himself, Jamie waited for the chitter-chatter in his head to start reprimanding, telling him what a sick bastard he was, but nothing came. It was quiet. Notably quiet, in fact, and the prolonged silence was too unusual for comfort and almost deafening. The voices had been his life long companion, and it seemed like someone had muted the noises. The only sound he heard was the sound of his breathing and the shower spray hitting the surfaces.

He almost jumped at the loud rapping on the door. "Jamie! Ye're gonnae be late for yer therapy appointment," Willie called out, impatience lacing his voice.

He blew out a breath. "Two minutes!" he shouted. Damn it!

"Two minutes," Willie repeated, and he strode off, the sound of his heavy footsteps making creaking sounds on the wooden floor.

Therapy! He wasn't looking forward to it, but if it would mean bringing him closer to living a normal life with Claire, he'd take his chances. He had his future waiting for him in his cottage, and God knew what was going through her mind with his prolonged absence. There's a possibility she could decide right there, and then, she'd had enough, and he could be returning to an empty home. Fuck that! No' gonnae happen.

Wrenching a curse from the depths of his soul, he grabbed a towel and dried himself in record time. No more messing about. It was time to regain back the rein to his life. After his therapy, he was returning back to his Sassenach.

..........

Jamie hadn't replied to Claire's multiple voice messages, so she'd stopped sending them, thinking he needed a break. If it hadn't been for Willie checking up on her, Rollo needing to be walked and her own work keeping her busy, she would have gone out of her mind. 

She found solace in knowing he was safe with his family and sorting out his issues and tried not to dwell on the theory that she might be the reason for his worsening condition; otherwise, it would mean giving up on them and walking out of his life for his own good. They'd both had a traumatic start to childhood. If anything, their shared experience should bring them together ...well, at least she was hoping that was the case.

As long as she was busy, she was absolutely fine. But it hurt being apart from Jamie. The minute she unwinded from her daytime activities, the feeling of abandonment crept in, and she felt lost and empty. An all-consuming gloom would lurk, overwhelming her, and tears would start to fall. It had been only two days since Jamie left, but she was already fearing she'd return to London without seeing him again. It's just not fair. It was as if the universe was conspiring to keep them apart, and if that was the case, they'd never really had a chance from the start. Such thoughts would lead to a part of her wishing they'd never met because it was like being shown what happiness with someone you love could be, only to be yanked back out of reach.

She glanced out the kitchen window and realised it had begun to rain, the grey skies echoing her sombre mood. Frustrated, she mentally shook herself. There were a lot of things to do, and her uncle would be arriving in a couple of days. She hadn't mentioned anything to him about what had happened with Jamie, but that was a worry she'd have to deal with later. Because of all days, Tom Christie had called earlier, arranging to meet with her this afternoon to further discuss his book's publication. She hadn't anticipated meeting up with him for another week or more. Maybe it was a good thing he'd decided to show up. It would certainly be a much-needed distraction from the growing worries she had of Jamie. But first, she needed to book a bed and breakfast room in the village centre, a request her uncle had explicitly stressed as he didn't want to stay in Jamie's cottage to watch them canoodle, as he'd gruffly pointed out. But Claire highly doubted there would be any danger of his uncle witnessing that anytime soon.

Grabbing her coat and bag, she headed out. She was just stepping across the threshold when she caught sight of Jamie's sister walking towards her. What is she doing here? The last time she'd seen Jenny was when they were first introduced, and back then, she hadn't failed to notice the lukewarm reception. She'd tried her best to dismiss it as overly protective sibling behaviour. But something had been niggling in her mind lately ever since Willie mentioned Jenny's meddling with Jamie's love life.

Bracing herself, she forced a smile. "Hi, I'm just on my way out. Does Jamie need some fresh shirts?" She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. "I can quickly grab some if that's what you came here for."

There was an awkward silence. "I ...ah, I'm here to see ye." Jenny held up a plastic container. "Oh, and ma made these ... it's rhubarb pie. And she's asking after ye."

"Oh, that's thoughtful. How are ..."

"Do ye have a moment?" Jenny interrupted out of the blue.

Claire paused. Though feeling like she was in this weird bubble filled with fog and not in the mood for small talk or niceties, she stepped back and waved Jamie's sister in. "Sure. I suppose I can spare a few minutes."

Jenny nodded gratefully and stepped inside the cottage. Claire watched her cross the room to place the rhubarb pie and her shoulder bag on the dining table. She started to wring her hands, possibly because she'd realised Claire wasn't going to initiate the talk. 

"Jamie is taking steps to get better," Jenny began, facing her.

"I know."

"Of course, you do."

Claire tamped down the urge to roll her eyes. "From what Jamie's told me, that's what he's been doing all his life, hasn't he?"

"Yes, that's true."

She sighed, impatience beginning to creep in. "Jenny, why are you really here? Please let's not pretend that you like me. You practically ignored me when we first met, and you've made no attempt whatsoever to get to know me. I am not expecting us to be the best of mates just because I'm with Jamie, but I do expect manners. So, I am asking very kindly if there's a reason for you taking over my precious time, please spit it out."

Jenny's eyebrows hit her hairline. "I ...uh ...I came because I wanted to see you. To check if ye're alright."

"Willie's been doing that but thank you anyway." She had no time for pussyfooting around. Pulling her coat tighter around her, she made a move to leave. "Well, I need to get going. Please thank your mum for me for the pie. I'll have it later with coffee when I return. And regards to your da as well." She pulled the door open.

"Wait ..."

"Yes?"

Jenny let out a rickety inhale. "I'm sorry, okay? I came to apologise. You're right. I was downright rude." Her lips barely moved when she said the words. It was as if it's taking a lot out of her to admit to her faults. "I have no right to meddle in my brother's affairs, moreso make ye feel unwelcome when ye're the one Jamie wants to be with." Her shoulders lost most of their tension, but the lines of her body were still strained tight. "I was worried about my brother making trips to London, and ye ken the reason why. I thought by not acknowledging ye, ye would eventually go away for good. I ken it was wrong. I shouldn't have behaved the way I did."

"But making me go away wouldn't have made a difference to his condition. Jamie would have continued to have those panic attacks."

"I ken," Jenny shrugged. "It was a dumb move, and I feel stupid for it. I realise that now. I dinnae ken what I was thinking. I'm so sorry, Claire. Can we start all over again and be friends?" 

Claire felt a spark of sympathy for Jenny. In that brief moment of admission, she'd kind of started to like the girl in front of her. Though she knew it would take a while before they could converse without feeling awkward, at least this was a start. Claire smiled genuinely for the first time. "Of course. I understand now why you felt the way you did." She glanced at her watch. "But in as much as I'd like to continue this bonding, I really need to go. I have a few errands to run. Shall we talk another time?"

"Oh aye, I completely forgot ye have someplace to go." She whipped around to grabbed her bag but knocked it to the floor instead, spilling its contents. "Ach, so clumsy of me," she muttered, getting onto her knees. "Ye go ahead, Claire. I have a spare key. I'll lock up once I'm done,

Claire immediately crouched down to help, grabbing feminine bits and bobs that were scattered on the rug. "Two pair of hands are always quicker getting the job done," she assured her.

"Aye, I guess so," Jenny mumbled as she skimmed the area with her eyes looking for anything she missed.

Claire scooped the loose pennies that had rolled off and slotted them into Jenny's bag. Then she picked up a slip of paper and was about to hand it to Jenny when she realised it was a newspaper clipping with her surname printed on it. Curious, Claire unfolded it and was surprised to see it was a small article from Oxford Mail about her family home, including a small line mentioning her as an heiress. Though she was aware of the article's existence, she was shocked to see it in Jenny's possession. What is Jenny doing with this?

Blood drained from her face when she recalled Willie's story about Jenny playing matchmaker between Geneva and Jamie. Didn't Willie say Geneva comes from a well-off family, Jenny's perfect solution to Lallybroch's financial problem? Claire skimmed the familiar article once more, the worth of her property jumping out of the paper: three million pounds. A sudden sharp pain slammed into her chest.

Claire held up the newspaper cutting to Jenny's face. "Why do you have this?" she whispered through numb lips.

Jenny's face was white as a sheet. "I ...it was given to me."

"Is this the reason why you're suddenly nice?"

"No!" Jenny licked her lips, thoughts racing behind her blue eyes. "I swear to God, I meant what I said earlier ...that I’m sorry. It has nothing to do with ..." She waved a hand towards the paper Claire was holding. "...that."

Claire scrambled to her feet. "You're sorry?" Her voice was high-pitched and unnatural, but she couldn't help it. There's a rumbling earthquake beginning to take place inside her. "When did you start feeling sorry, Jenny? After you read this?" She crumpled the piece of paper and threw it on the floor. "Did you really want to be my friend? Or was that all hogwash too?"

"Claire, please." Misery slashed across her face. "I realised my mistake when Jamie took off with his car the other night, and Willie spent hours looking for him. My parents, husband and I were up, and we were worried sick. My constant meddling has made him fled and taken him away from ye." She wrung her hands together. "I was a bloody idiot for thinking I was doing what's best for my brother when, in fact, I was making things worse. And Jamie's now miserable because he thinks it's all his fault when really, it's mine. Ye have to believe me when I say that piece of paper was given to me. I never sought it myself. It was handed to me."

"Good God, are you listening to yourself?" Her voice had been reduced to a whisper. All she could see was Jamie's guilt and tortured face that day when he'd told her about his fight with Jenny. His pained expression before he'd sped off to the night and her fear of the unknown. The many times he'd excused and apologised for his sister's behaviour because he thought Jenny was doing it out of love when Claire could clearly see it was all out of selfishness. "Let me get this straight ...you only recognised your mistake because you became worried sick after your brother took off. Are you even aware that you've been treating him like an imbecile all this while as if he can't decide for himself? This was never about him, Jenny, is it? You're only thinking about yourself. The other night scared the bejesus out of you because you knew well you were part of the reason he took off. Tell me this ...how does it feel like to be riddled with guilt now, huh? Try multiplying that guilt by a thousandfold and remind yourself that's what Jamie feels every day of his life. And if you think saying sorry will make things right again, you need your head thoroughly examined. Jamie loves you despite all your meddling, and you unashamedly continued to manipulate him. So excuse me if I have trouble believing a single word you're saying now. Because you know what the bloody hell this looks like? Your apologies to me sound like you're trying to manipulate me as well. And all because I happen to own an impressive three million pound property."

"No!" Jenny shook her head in despair. "Everything else is true ...but not that about yer property." There's a tremor in her voice and shame in her eyes. "I stopped by yesterday to apologise to ye, but ye werenae home, and when Mrs Fitz from across the road saw me, she handed me that newspaper clipping. I swear to God, Claire, I came to ye even before I knew ye had that property."

Claire couldn't stand there and listen anymore, not after what she'd gone through the last couple of days. She needed to let all her frustration out, or she'd implode. "I don't trust you, Jenny. If drivel could bounce, you'd be in the bloody orbit by now. Unfortunately, that won't happen, so I'm out of here. I can't stand being here any longer." The words exploded out of her and popped in the air like bright red fireworks. 

Jenny fell back a step and gasped. Claire was shocked too with the words that came out of her mouth. But she took that opportunity to rush out of the cottage, not caring if it was still raining, only focusing on getting as far away from Jenny as possible.

She'd just crossed the street when a vehicle screeched to a stop and reversed. Claire kept on walking, still reeling from her conversation with Jenny.

"Miss Beauchamp?"

She stopped and glanced into the Land Rover window that stopped by her side and noticed a familiar face. "Yes?"

The man tipped his baseball cap on his head and smiled. "It's me, Tom Christie."

"Oh ... it's you ... you're early!" was all she could say, too surprised for words.

"Actually, I'm on my way home to change clothes before our meeting. Do ye need a ride? I noticed ye dinnae have a brolly with ye, and it's raining."

Claire glanced back at the cottage and saw Jenny standing at the doorway, looking at her with that still ashen face. She'd heard rumours in the village about Tom being a ladies' man and knew what it would look like to Jenny if she got into the Land Rover with him. But she didn't give a flying fig. Let her gossip! Smiling, she nodded at Tom. "Yes, please. To the village centre if it's no trouble."

He grinned. "Nae bother at all. Hop in."

..........

"Remind me again why I'm here," Willie mumbled under his breath as they followed a young woman down a long hallway lined with modern paintings. "I thought I made it clear it should be Claire attending this therapy with ye. In case ye need reminding, I got our business to run."

Jamie sighed. "I'd rather ye're here. Ye ken my condition better than anyone."

"Is it Geneva ye're worried about?" his older brother asked in a low voice.

"God, no. I'd be more worried if Jenny came with me. Christ, she'd been pushing Geneva and me together for as long as I can remember. I ken the lass took a fancy in me, but that's all it ever was. I'm just concerned it's gonnae be weird since we ken each other."

Willie glanced at him with understanding. "There's nae avoiding it, lad. We live in a small village, and everyone knows everyone. It's the bane of living in such a place. We just have to make do with what we have."

"Aye, that's true."

The young woman in front of them turned. "The last one on the right," she smiled, pointing at the white door. Jamie wanted to say he knew his way around and that it was the same office as his former therapist but decided not to and returned her smile instead.

With Willie close behind him, he stepped forward and knocked lightly against the door. A feminine voice answered from the inside, "Come in."

Pushing the door open, they were greeted by a familiar, cosy space and Geneva, dressed in a black pantsuit with her hair done in a bun. She was sat in a dark leather armchair, looking them over with her transparent-rimmed glasses. If she was surprised to see Willie with him, she hid it well. 

"Mr Fraser, it's nice to see you again." Smiling warmly, she stood up and held out her hand for him. Taking it, she gave him a firm handshake before doing the same to Willie and motioning them towards the over-size beige leather sofa arranged in the middle of the room. "Please take a seat." Like a couple of schoolboys, they both did as they were told. 

"Before anything else," she began, looking at Jamie. "I have you here for one on one therapy. Is there a reason why you brought your brother with you?"

Jamie cleared his throat and licked his lips. "I, ah, wanted him here for moral support." 

"Fair enough. So what can I do for you?" She smiled, crossing her legs and reclining back into her armchair, a clipboard resting on her thigh.

Jamie anxiously glanced at Willie, but his brother only shrugged. "I dinnae ken where to start. Ever since yer predecessor left, I havenae been to therapy because I didnae feel comfortable seeing a therapist who knows me on a personal level. It kinda feels odd."

She steepled her fingers together, her blue eyes narrowing on him. "I understand this is out of your comfort zone and probably, for some, highly unusual. But I'd like to make it clear that I take my job seriously, and I hold myself to the highest professional standard. Whatever friendship I have with your sister will have no effect whatsoever on what would transpire within these walls. If you wish to proceed, please take a few deep breaths and just forget that you know me. In here, I am Dr Dunsany, and you are Mr Fraser."

Jamie considered her words as she waited patiently for his reply. After a minute of contemplation, he finally nodded and took a few cleansing breaths. "Fine."

She smiled. "So, first things first. What prompted you to finally see a therapist?"

He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. "I'm in a serious relationship." Jamie thought he saw an ever so slight arching of her eyebrow but immediately dismissed it as his imagination. "And my condition and the panic attacks are hurting our relationship. I figured in order for us to move forward, I needed to take steps in getting better."

Geneva picked up her clipboard and started scribbling. "What do you believe your girlfriend thinks about your condition?"

Jamie smiled briefly at the thought of Claire. "Weel, she's very understanding and very patient, and she's taken my condition in a stride. Like the rest of my family, she thinks I'm suffering from suppressed guilt and emotions."

Geneva paused and closely appraised him. "Why do you think she thinks you have suppressed guilt and emotions?"

His heart began to increase its pace, and his throat tightened. "Because we were both there when her parents died. She was able to move on, but I couldnae," the words came out rapidly.

A whoosh of breath came from Willie.

"Why do you think she was able to move on and you couldn't?" she pushed, seemingly unaffected by Jamie's revelation.

A bead of sweat formed on his forehead. "Because it's my fault that she grew up without a family."

He heard Willie's breath hitch, but Geneva ignored his brother.

"And why do you think it's your fault?"

His mouth became dry, and his tongue thick. "I didnae run fast enough to get help when their car crashed. If I had, she wouldnae be orphaned today. If I was stronger, I wouldnae have needed to run off and get my godfather, and I could have pulled the door open myself and saved her parents as well."

"You look like a strong man, Mr Fraser. Why do you think you needed to run and get help to pull the door open?"

"I wasnae big enough back then. I was only ten." He dropped his head into his hand. "And she was so wee ...crying for her ma. All I could do was hold her." 

He started to hyperventilate as the image of Harry staring at him through the window, sprung to life. It was the last image he saw before the car had exploded.

Sensing his discomfort, Geneva stood from her armchair and retrieved two bottles of mineral water from the mini-fridge, handing them each to the brothers. They both gratefully accepted, taking large gulps.

When he got his breathing back under control, she proceeded. "I understand now your frustration at not being big enough to carry the task out yourself and why you had to get your godfather." She scribbled a few more notes on her clipboard. "I'm going to go back to the question you haven't answered yet. Why do you think your girlfriend was able to move on from her parents' death?"

He squashed the empty bottle of mineral water. "She was too young then to understand any of it, just a wee bairn when it happened."

"And so were you."

"She was five, and I was ten. I was old enough to be able to do something about it, but I couldn't."

"Your godfather, who was old enough and stronger than you, was unable to do anything further. Do you think it was your godfather's fault?"

"No! Of course, not. He tried his best. We got her ...Claire, who's m-my girlfriend now, out first and my godfather made me take her to safety. But the car caught fire, and it exploded."

"So it's not your godfather's fault, and yet you think it was your fault."

"Yes!"

"Why would you think, after all the efforts you and your godfather have done to try and save your girlfriend's parents, it's still your fault?"

"It was the way he looked at me."

"Who looked at you?"

"Claire's father. Just before the car exploded."

"How did he look at you?"

"He was just staring at me."

"And you can't get that out of your head?"

"No."

A mild frown of concentration descended across Geneva's face as she flipped through the notes on her clipboard. She reached out for a manila folder on a coffee table by her side and browsed through it too. "This is a great start, Mr Fraser," she continued. "From what I've here in your history with your former therapist, this is the first time you've ever talked about an experience from your childhood. This is highly interesting. Care to tell me why you've never talked about this before."

"It's a memory that I've forgotten, and it's just resurfaced recently."

She arched an eyebrow. "How recently?"

"A few days ago."

"Can you remember what triggered the memories to come back?"

"The night I met my girlfriend's uncle on video chat."

"So, prior to that night, you had no recollection of the forgotten memory, is that correct?"

"Aye."

"Why do you think your girlfriend's uncle triggered all the memory to come back?"

His fingers began to pick at the water bottle label. "He looks exactly my girlfriend' father."

A long silence ensued.

Geneva placed the clipboard by her side and uncrossed her legs. "That will be all for today, Mr Fraser. We've covered enough to have something to work on."

Jamie's head shot up. "So that's it? That was quick," he pointed out, glancing at his watch.

"Oh, we're far from done, Mr Fraser, but you've revealed more than I anticipated, so I decided to stop while we're ahead. Thank you for answering all questions as openly as possible."

"So what's yer diagnosis?"

She tilted her head to the side. "I believe you have a lot of misplaced guilt about your past that may be hindering you from moving on. So ...what I would like you to do is ...I want you to think about how you want your future to look like. Think really hard and try to dig deep. Next time we catch up, we'll discuss everything in details." She stood up, and Jamie and Willie followed suit. "I'll see you next week. My assistant will write down the date of our next meeting. You can pick up your appointment card on the way out," she smiled, opening the door and ushering them out.

The brothers walked out quietly together, both lost in their own thoughts.

"That wasnae too bad, was it?" Willie asked as they stepped out of the building.

Jamie shook his head. "No, no' at all." His head was still buzzing from the session, so he didn't really have much opinion to offer.

"Perhaps next time, ye can bring Claire with ye."

At the mention of her name, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket. He'd silenced it all morning as he'd prepared himself for the therapy but was disappointed to see there was no new message from her. "She hasnae messaged."

"I'm no' surprised. You havenae been returning her calls. And ye have no excuse, lad, because I left ye a charger at Lallybroch."

Jamie followed his brother close behind as they made their way to the car. "How do ye know I've no' been returning her calls?"

"She told me."

"How is she?"

"Find out yersel'."

A familiar bright red Fiat slowed down next to them just as Jamie was about to get into the car, and Ian, their brother-in-law, poked his head out of the window. "Hey, lads, guess who I just saw back in town?"

The brothers looked at each other and shrugged. 

When Ian stalled, Willie blew out an impatient breath. 

"Out with it!" Willie grumbled. "I've been away from work for far too long already."

Ian grinned. "Yer pal Christie."

Jamie waved a hand in the air in dismissal and turned to open the car door, not particularly interested in hearing the latest coming and going in Broch Mordha. "I'm pretty sure the lassies will be thrilled he's back."

"Aye, ye're probably right, but I dinnae think ye'd be too pleased to hear if one particular lass is enjoying his company."

Jamie whipped around. "What do ye mean?" He sounded like someone just launched a flying rugby pass onto his stomach.

"Saw Claire and Tom through the window of Slater's Arms. Probably sitting down for late lunch."

His heart and brain must have swapped places because suddenly, his heart seemed twice as heavy, and his brain thumped against his skull. "M-my Claire?"

Willie tipped his head like he's on the brink of calling Ian an eejit. "Hold up, this could all be just an innocent thing. Wasnae Claire supposed to be meeting with someone from here for some book publication?"

"Nae way!" Ian shook his head. "Christie doesnae look like the type to string a sentence together, never mind write a book."

"Alright," Jamie breathed, propping his hands on the edge of the car's roof. His brain was barely functioning because it was knocking against his temple, making him see red. He'd completely underestimated his ability to let her go, thinking he was doing it for her own good. Claire hadn't called today because she thought he'd given up. Ah, shite! He felt he was going to be sick. "I need to go and see her. Now."

"Fuck!" Willie muttered. "I'm coming with ye." Then he bent down to Ian's eye level and pointed his index finger at his brother-in-law. "Next time, run this kind of info by me first."

Ian smirked. "Fine. But I'm coming too. I'm up for seeing a bit of nefariousness."

Jamie was already in the car, fastening his seat belt. "Let's go!" 

  Dear Readers,

Whew, that was a long chapter. I'm literally drained; nevertheless, I'm feeling a sense of satisfaction that I can post it today. My eyes are wonky, though, from editing, and I was about to go through it again when I thought, ah bugger it, I will do the grammar check tomorrow.

Before I say nighty-night, thanks for your feedback from the previous chapter, and I'm looking forward to what you think of this next one. I know it's slow going, but I really wanted to cover as many plot holes as possible. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. Anyway, take care always and keep spreading kindness and love. Until the next update, much love! X

[wisteriabookss]

My ACOSF Review (2/5 Stars)

Please respect my opinions. Not everything I say will be praiseful or nice. While I liked a lot of this book, a lot of it frustrated and bothered me. 

This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk. 

This review will be more of an overall impression, and I will get more in depth about certain characters in future posts. 

I eventually got into the plot of the book, but I don’t think it was as great or creative as it could’ve been. I feel like SJM recycled ideas she’s already used to create the storyline. A quest to find a magic object that can stop a war and save the world? That sentence applies to both ACOWAR and ACOSF. It’s even more disappointing when you know there were other routes the plot could’ve taken but were eventually scratched. It was the perfect set up for an Illyrian mountain setting, it was written in canon, and, unsurprisingly, SJM retconned and changed it. 

The Valkyrie plot was cool, if a bit forced and out of place. Nesta barely starts training, and all of a sudden she wants to recreate a powerful band of female warriors that we’ve never heard of in the context of this world? Honestly, it feels like SJM watched Thor: Ragnarok, and was like, “Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I thought Helions winged horses would come into play with that, but I guess we’ll have to see.

I thought the Blood Rite plot was gone, but we got it in the end, even though it was rushed. The most beautiful parts of the book happened during the Rite, so I’m glad we got to see those.

The ending of Briallyn was so swift I literally had to go back a page to make sure I read it right. Literally one page, and she’s killed. I expected more. I can’t say I'm surprised by how rushed her death was when I knew the Feysand trouble was approaching, and the number of pages left was getting smaller. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that SJM would save Rhys, Feyre, and their baby. Out of the entire ensemble in Kingdom of Ash, she only had the heart to kill Gavriel, who wasn’t too much of a main character. There was no way in hell she would do that to Feysand. 

I’m sorry, but I do not like the name Nyx. Imagine calling someone Nyx? Did she originally have it as Nick, but just needed to put an X? My eyes were rolling so hard when I read it. Just put an ‘O’ in front of it and end our misery, though I still would’ve rolled my eyes at that name too. The name just reminds me of all the blogger moms who put X’s in their child’s names for dramatic effect that ends up looking like they can’t spell.

I also didn’t appreciate the out of touch colloquialisms in this book either. Prythian doesn’t have a name for anxiety, depression, or PTSD, but they know what lactic acid means?

The amount of sex in this book was something we had been warned to expect, and I think due to the fastness of me reading this book (finished in two sittings), it made it feel like the sex was happening every other page, which it basically was. I’m not going to be mad though because a) it was well written, b) I didn’t feel like it harmed the plot too much, and c) this is the only Nessian smut we’re going to see in canon. But that threesome line with Az. . . y'all know which one I’m talking about. . . the one with the details about certain positions. . .  chile um anyways let’s move on. 

I called it months ago that Emerie would either be Mor or Azriel’s love interest, and looks like it’s going to be Mor. SJM’s writing is fairly predictable, especially when it comes to romantic ships, and she couldn’t have been more obvious about the two of them. I will write about Gwyn and Azriel in Azriel’s chapter review (cause that monstrosity needs a post of its own).

Now about Nesta’s healing arc. Some of it was satisfying and others were saddening. I’m happy that Nesta was able to find purpose in her life, and not believe herself to be worthless or pathetic, but strong and powerful. I’m happy she found Gwynn and Emerie; I love their friendship. I love how they stuck by each other no matter what, and saw the good and potential in one another.

However, even by the end of the book, Nesta still thinks herself as undeserving. Of Cassian, of love. She knows she has it, and she's so grateful for it, but she still believes she is undeserving of it, that Cassian is just so much better than her. A part of learning to love and live with yourself is knowing what you deserve, so why SJM took that from her character, I don’t know. I was continuously disappointed when said she was undeserving of anything, even after she had learned and grown from her mistakes. 

Maybe SJM thinks the belief of being undeserving of one's partner is romantic. I’m telling you now, it’s not. All that does is give unnecessary power to a person you believe you are undeserving of, and this leads to unequal power dynamics in a relationship. Rhys was the exact same with Feyre, so I’m guessing it's a theme.

Speaking of romantic themes, the repetition of the “your mine-im yours” line in this book was nauseating. Your going to make Nesta say the exact same thing her sister said when they had sex? Is there nothing else SJM could’ve come up with? It’s just so weird. And I swear to god if I see Elain do the same thing I’m gonna vomit. 

Nesta apologized to Cassian about what she said to him on Solstice in ACOFAS as if he never called her unlovable. As if he never said he didn’t understand why her sisters love her. He never apologized for that. There was so much apologizing from Nesta to Cassian about her calling him a brute, as if Cassian didn’t say he was “shackled” to her after she clearly explained how she feared she would lose her humanity if she accepted the word mate. Not if she accepted him, but the word. 

For Cassian to routinely tell Nesta to, “shut her fucking mouth,” when she used some attitude against Rhys was comical. Rhys has been bad mouthing and disrespecting Nesta this whole time, and when she shows some warranted attitude in return (not even an insult), Cassian rips into her. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, babe. Not everyone has the same experience with Rhys, so Cassian getting angry when Nesta showing anger at the way she was being treated was wrong. Her experience with him does not become invalidated just because Cassian has a good relationship with him.

There wasn’t a character arc for Cassian, which was one of the most disappointing parts of the book. He thinks of himself as inferior and undeserving as well, and by the end of the book it’s not even clear if that stance has changed. We saw him grow into the courtier persona in the meeting with Eris when Tamlin shows up, but we never see it again. I know there were instances in which he stood up for Nesta, but he also very quicky after that became silent in other moments when they were insulting her. The next book isn’t in his pov, but I’m hoping we see him become more confident in himself and make a firmer stance to protect Nesta (although I doubt he’ll need to seeing as how Rhys kisses the ground she walks on now).

Now onto Nesta’s apologies to the IC. I think Nesta apologizing to Feyre was expected, and I’m glad the sisters had that moment. I am, however, upset that there was never a moment where all the sisters sat down, and hashed it out. Talked about what they’d been through, how it affected them, and how it affected their feelings toward each other. After everything that happened between Nesta and Elain, all that hurt, you’re telling me all it took was Nesta to make Elain laugh by saying “fuck you,” and we’re good? It’s lazy writing. 

Elain telling Nesta that she only cared about how her trauma affected her did not sit right with me. Nesta sat by Elain’s side for weeks when she was in the thick of her struggles, and refused to leave her alone for fear that her struggles would eat her up alive. She constantly looked for anything that could help her sister, and never left her unprotected. Nesta and Elain didn’t communicate after the war, for reasons that we now know was because of Nesta’s guilt for Elain being kidnapped. It is not abnormal when a family member has been traumatized by things that have happened to another family member. That’s expected. Ask any family who has lost a child or had a relative go through something horrible.

Elain is acting as if Nesta has only ever been concerned with herself when she’s spent her entire life concerned with Elain. I made a post long ago about how the IC only wanted Nesta to heal for their sake rather than her sake, and there’s so much more evidence for that than for Elain. Elain’s healing process was able to be understood and encouraged by the IC, whereas they had no idea what to do with Nesta. So for Elain to come at Nesta for not caring about her trauma, a second after Nesta was trying to protect her from further trauma by telling her she didn't want her seering for the Trove, was unwarranted.

Speaking about Elain looking for the Trove, what happened there? Elain had this whole speech where she said she wanted to do something and no one could stop her and then we just. . . don’t hear anything about it again? SJM had a perfect opportunity to do something powerful with Elain there, and completely threw it away. 

Nesta’s apology to Amren was extreme, dramatic, and honestly, unnecessary. Amren called Nesta a “pathetic waste of life,” constantly demeaned and degraded her anytime her name was mentioned, and said she did all this because Nesta used her as a shield against her problems and the IC. Seriously? Nesta using Amren as a shield does not warrant that kind of verbal abuse. It doesn't make her a pathetic waste of life. Amren’s been alive for how long? And reacts like that to an obvious side effect of extreme trauma? No ma'am. Nesta getting on her damn knees was too much, and obviously just another moment, like a lot of moments, that SJM felt the need to make dramatic. And then having the audacity to let Amren say to Nesta that, “the struggle with the darkness is worth it,” when she was one of those people who contributed to that darkness is disgusting.

I didn’t like Rhys at all in this book. Even after he saw inside Nesta’s mind about her experience in the cauldron, he was still wary and rude with her. Literally anytime Nesta showed that she was changing, Rhys didn’t change anything about his attitude or behavior towards her. A moment of regret, and then he’s back to being arrogant ass Rhys. Him not telling Feyre about the baby was also extremely stupid. It’s her body, her life, her baby’s life, his life, and she had a right to know what was happening. Not telling her because you didn’t want her to be “upset,” is a dumb excuse. I thought you always promised to let her make her own decisions, Rhys? What happened to that promise? The one that was a hell of a lot better than the stupid bargain ya’ll made? Though Nesta told her out of anger, good on her for telling her sister. Should’ve happened way sooner. His apology to Nesta was the only one that warranted the dramatics. That is what you get on your knees for.

That whole scene about him becoming High King had me throwing the book. Amren telling Rhys that the swords were some sort of mother-mary-cauldron-blessed-hallelujah sign that he was supposed to be High King had me fuming. It’s Nesta’s power. It’s Nesta’s sword. That should have never been a discussion. Not everything is for Rhys. These people are so blinded by their love for him they can’t even see how arrogant he is. To write Nesta giving back Ataraxia made me so angry after we just had a whole moment where we find out it means inner peace. I just hope that all of this is not foreshadowing Rhys becoming High King. I know you love him Sarah, but please don’t.

All in all, this book wasn’t too bad. There were some great moments and some bad moments. I think SJM’s biggest issue in her writing is that she doesn’t outline, or at least doesn't seem to outline, not thoroughly. I feel like she uses plot devices willy nilly whenever it’s the easiest solution. There was never a moment where I said, “that was clever!” A lot of it was cool, but not clever. Not creative. She also has a tendency to write very dramatically, in staccato type sentences where everything is made into a big moment, which bugs me a lot. 

I love Nesta. She’s still my fav, and will probably always be my fav. This book doesn’t change that, and as you can tell in my review, most of the issues I had weren’t with her behavior, but with the behavior of other characters. I still love Cassian, even though he made me want to rip my hair out sometimes.

Will I read the next books? Probably. I can’t seem to stay away from these characters or these books, so kudos to SJM for writing them. I know a majority of people have given this book 4 or 5 stars, but I can’t bring myself to give it more than 2/5.

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[adenei]

I would like to see big brother Ron taking care of a heartbroken Ginny between HBP and DH please 😍

Hi anon! Thanks for the ask. I loved writing this one!

***************************

Heartbreak

“Hey Ginny, do you wanna go- What’s wrong?” Ron had knocked and entered Ginny’s room to see her sitting on her bed, hugging her pillow with Arnold the Pygmy Puff looking up at her sadly. There were tears falling down her face.

“N-nothing. Go away, Ron, I’m not in the mood right now,” Ginny tried to force him away, but Ron came in and sat on the edge of her bed.

“It’s not- ‘s not about Harry, is it?” Ron said awkwardly. He didn’t want to bring up his best friend to his sister, who was also his best friend’s ex.

“Well spotted,” Ginny said sarcastically as she wiped fresh tears from her eyes. 

They’d only been home a couple days, so the hurt was still fresh. “Even though I don’t like thinking about the two of you, er, together, I know he really does care about you…sure it doesn’t help, though,” Ron attempted to comfort her.

“Thanks…,” Ginny said. “I know he does, but I hate that he has to be all noble about it. I’d go with you if I could! I want to fight alongside him. It’s not fair that you and Hermione always get to be there!” 

“Ginny, I know you know you can’t because of the Trace, but there’s no way Harry would ever let you even if that wasn’t-” Ron tried to explain.

“He doesn’t get to make my life decisions for me! I didn’t want him to make this one. I don’t need protecting anymore. I’m not that stupid first year! I know how to defend myself.”

Ron sat there in silence, taking in her words. Ginny rarely talked about the Chamber of Secrets. He knew enough to not press it. “I know, Gin. But you’re probably the best thing that’s happened to him since finding out he’s a wizard, and me and Hermione being his best friends of course. Reckon he wants you to be safe so that if he does make it out alive he’ll be able to have a future with you.”

Ginny digested his words. “When did you grow up and become all mature?”

“It’s been known to happen once or twice.”

“Do you think you’ll all make it out of this alive? What if this summer will be the last time I see him? At least you’ll be with Hermione! I won’t even know if he’s safe.” Ron saw the tears well up again in her eyes.

“First of all, thanks for caring about your brother with all of this. And second, you’ve got to think positive. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I just know that Harry shouldn’t face this alone.”

“No comment on the Hermione thing?” Ginny was diverting the attention again.

“Yeah, we’ll be together, but we’re no closer to anything more. At least you and Harry know how each other feel. Reckon it’s too late now for us, we’ll have to focus on the mission.”

“You two are so incredibly stupid.” Ginny rolled her eyes as Ron shrugged.

“We’re not talking about me and Hermione, we’re talking about you and Harry.” He waited for Ginny to speak and when she didn’t, he said, “I’m gonna go out for a fly if you want to join me. I know the whole thing is rubbish, but I’m here if you ever want to talk.” He got up and made his way to the door.

“Thanks, Ron,” Ginny said. “I’ll be out in a bit, I think.” 

Ron nodded in acknowledgment and continued on his way. He did feel bad for his sister and best mate, but he could also sympathize with the whole ‘could die at any moment’ thing, and distance was probably the best option for them both.

[akitsune-lune]

a lukewarm defence of Blossomfall

or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the IvyBlossom

Hi there. Do you have a minute to talk about Blossomfall?

My goal here

Analyse Blossomfall’s behaviour in OOTS. Clear up misconceptions and aim to change people’s minds regarding the relationship between Millie, Briar, n Blossom, as well as making a case for IvyBlossom not in fact being A Toxic Evil Ship Propagated by Abuse Apologists. This is going to be an extremely long post and hopefully THE Blossomfall Defence Post. Fly, my pretties, share it around, this took so long.

1: The Text

let’s go over everything single thing Blossomfall has done in OOTS so that there’s no way for us to be in disagreement over what she’s done. It’s gonna take a while. This will be everything vaguely important to Blossomfall’s character, but not including shit like characters noticing Blossompaw sitting with her mentor or whatever. You are free to ctrl-f “Blossom” your way through all of OOTS to see if I’m cherry picking passages for my clever scheme to make everyone think about Blossomfall. (spoilers, I’m not)

Fourth Apprentice:

Literally nothing of note. Just filling in random background bits.

Fading Echoes:

P.68 This is pretty much our first look at Blossomfall. She squabbles with her littermates and maybe has a crush on Toadstep.

P.128 next is our first interaction between Ivypaw and Blossompaw. Ivypaw thinks Dovepaw is getting special treatment, and Blossompaw disagrees.

P.149 And a first interaction between Millie and Blossompaw. Blossompaw jumps onto the Great Oak and hurts herself, then Millie fusses over her. This is a pretty good set-up for showing Millie to be a bit of an overbearing mother and no spoilers, but if Millie’s attention suddenly vanished, you could imagine that would leave Blossompaw off-kilter.

P.174 Now we have an antagonistic interaction between Ivypaw and Blossompaw; Blossompaw is rude and thoughtless and it plays directly to Ivypaw’s deepest insecurities. Throughout the assessment, Blossompaw treats her like she’s useless.

P.235 A quick acknowledgement of Briarlight’s siblings cheering for her

P.248 another moment of sisterly affection between them

P.258 The first mention of Thornclaw in relation to Blossomfall. I’ve heard it cited as evidence of Thorn/Blossom set-up, which... seems like a stretch, but maybe.

P.361 And to round out Fading Echoes we get Ivypaw and Blossomfall working together in battle, and Blossomfall being appreciative of Ivypaw’s abilities.

Night Whispers:

P.33 The very first moment of Blossomfall in Night Whispers is an in-text, explicit acknowledgement that Blossomfall and Ivypaw have put their previous quarrels to rest. After that, (P.111) we get a quick moment of Ivypaw and Blossomfall talking like chill Clanmates, which might further support that their previous animosity is gone.

P.114 We get another instance of Blossomfall complimenting Ivypaw, then an exchange which leads Ivypaw to think No wonder Hawkfrost doesn’t visit [Blossomfall’s] dreams.

P.143 After that, we hear Millie bemoaning how her daughter’s life is meaningless now, followed by

P.143 Which would imply that Bumblestripe and Blossomfall would take issue with how Millie talks about Briarlight and her life.

P.327 another moment of Blossomfall showing concern for her littermates, and that rounds off book 3 of OOTS.

Sign of the Moon:

P.178 Blossomfall is now training in the Dark Forest and Ivypool is very upset by it, later thinking ThunderClan cats are loyal.

P.179-180 In Blossomfall’s first training exercise in the Dark Forest, Ivypool interferes and risks punishment to save Blossomfall from injury.

P.181 Blossomfall is ungrateful, but Ivypool doesn’t really react to her remark.

Next, Ivypool wants to speak with Blossomfall about her training in the Dark Forest. Before she has the chance, however, Blossomfall’s old mentor Hazeltail notices that Blossomfall is injured and tries to draw Millie’s attention to it.

P.273 This is our first hint that Millie has something to do with Blossomfall’s training in the Dark Forest. I’d like to point out that it’s Millie ignoring her and not Briarlight that provokes the anger from Blossomfall.

P.276 Twofold - First, Blossomfall doesn’t jump to Thornclaw’s defence when Ivypool calls him bossy, rather she agrees. Blossomfall also rebuffs Ivypool’s efforts to check on her.

P.277 Next, we have Ivypool pushing further, and Blossomfall seems edgy. Ivypool expresses more concern in her head and is scared for Blossomfall.

Now we have the big scene. Ivypool and Blossomfall go exploring in the tunnels and Blossomfall’s character finally gets her moment.

P.279 Blossomfall makes a remark about losing the use of her legs, which could be interpreted multiple ways, a dark joke about what happened to Briarlight, jealousy over the attention that her sister’s condition has resulted in, etc

P.312-313 Now we cut to the heart of the matter. Blossomfall doesn’t even know if Millie loves her anymore.

P.313 “I hate myself for feeling jealous of Briarlight. I can’t help what I feel, and that proves I’m not a good cat.” Because of jealousy and attention-seeking urges, Blossomfall has decided that she’s a bad person and deserves to go to the Dark Forest.

P.313-314

P.323 Then they get back to camp after having been missing for several hours and after Blossomfall has been injured, and Millie lectures her.

P.323 and then there’s the nail in the coffin. I’d also like to draw attention to the fact that Blossomfall doesn’t lash out. She just accepts Millie’s lack of concern for her and her lecturing, while relying on the Dark Forest for validation. She especially is never shown to lash out at Briarlight. That’s the end of Sign of the Moon.

The Forgotten Warrior:

P.247 In book 5, Blossomfall is shown to be again antagonistic, though this time toward Dovewing, and very protective of her littermates, in a negative light this time. This is pretty much the only moment of note for Blossomfall in the whole book.

The Last Hope:

P.67 Now we get the magnum opus of Blossomfall and Thornclaw being chummy and Lionblaze misinterpreting this as meaning they’re going to end up as mates, then realizing it’s actually because they’re training in the Dark Forest together. This is the third time Blossomfall and Thornclaw have been mentioned in the same sentence, and the first time they’ve ever interacted with each other. It’s the first time where they’ve been explicitly friendly; the first BlossomThorn moment was a mention of Thornclaw’s mannerisms rubbing off on Blossomfall and the second was Blossomfall indirectly calling Thornclaw bossy. This is why I say with relative confidence, BlossomThorn in AVoS was not planned in OOTS. Our ‘evidence’ is

Blossomfall thinks he’s bossy

Blossomfall imitated him once

They’re friends because they trained in the Dark Forest together

She has a similar number of moments with Mousewhisker and Toadstep, but I haven’t included them other than the very first moment with Blossomfall because those aren’t the ships that end up canonized. Even with Toadstep, Bumblepaw explicitly says that she’s mooning over him, which is far more indication of future romance than BlossomThorn gets.

ADDITIONALLY in the reprinted version of The Last Hope...

He’s replaced with Mousewhisker! Which knocks BlossomThorn mentions in canon down to just two, only one of which is at least neutral, and they never even interact before she’s nursing his kits! *screm* Erins WHY?

and uh... that’s actually about it for Blossomfall’s moments in Last Hope. She’s lumped in with Mousewhisker, Birchfall, etc with Ivypool and ThunderClan trying to track them down and make sure they don’t fight for the DF, etc, and then she doesn’t, n book ends.

Alright let’s analyse some data.

2: The relationship between Ivy/Blossom

It's toxic and unneeded- just because it's not heterosexual it doesn't mean it's healthy. Blossomfall bullied Ivypool for almost the entire first half of OotS, and just because she supported Ivy once it doesn't mean that they're friends. It means they've moved on and forgiven each other.

Forum post on January 14th, 2019

Alright, I’ve heard some crazy shit about BlossomIvy and I’m here to tell you, forget it. You don’t have to ship them, but if you’re gonna call them toxic, I’m gonna call you full of shit.

Ivypaw and Blossompaw’s first big conflict is during Blossompaw’s assessment, at which point she calls Ivypaw a bad hunter and Ivypaw gets upset. Now pay close attention, folks! This is the only time Blossompaw and Ivypaw argue before Blossomfall starts training in the Dark Forest. After this, once Ivypaw has been training in the Dark Forest, Blossomfall compliments her on her skills and the text explicitly suggests that now Ivypaw and Blossomfall have ‘put their quarrels behind them.’ After that, once Blossomfall begins training in the Dark Forest, Ivypool intervenes on her behalf to save her from injury and is called out by Brokenstar. Blossomfall is ungrateful, but Ivypool shows no regret for helping her.

Then we get the big moment between them in the tunnels. Blossomfall, after being injured, asks Ivypool if she thinks Millie will miss her. Ivypool realizes why Blossomfall is training in the Dark Forest, and Blossomfall confesses that she knows that the Dark Forest is bad news but feels that she deserves to go there because she’s a bad person (cat?).

Something I want to pay special mention to is the fact that Blossomfall is confessing all of this to Ivypool rather than any other main character, because they understand each other. Whether or not you like the ship, it is an undeniable fact that Blossomfall and Ivypool have a great deal of common ground.

They were both taken advantage of by the Dark Forest because of their jealousy over their sisters, they both know that the Dark Forest is up to no good but don’t leave it, and they both acknowledge in no uncertain terms that they’re jealous of cats that would also want something that they themselves have--in Blossomfall’s case, her able body, and in Ivypool’s, her lack of super-powers and involvement in the prophecy. Blossomfall and Ivypool can relate to and understand each other on a level that they cannot their other Clanmates.

Blossompaw and Ivypaw have a moment of animosity in Night Whispers, when Blossompaw says Ivypaw is a bad hunter and that she’d prefer Dovepaw, and Ivypaw is very upset. Then later, again, we get an in-text acknowledgement from another character that Blossomfall and Ivypaw have put their quarrels behind them. After Blossomfall’s assessment, she and Ivypaw only have friendly or neutral interactions. The next time they argue is when Blossomfall joins the Dark Forest, is out of her depth, and Ivypool intervenes to save her. Blossomfall argues that she can take care of herself and Ivypool thinks she’s full of it, but doesn’t push the point.

Then later, they have a bit of an antagonistic interaction where Ivypool is scared that Blossomfall is making the wrong choice by training in the Dark Forest and wants to help her, while Blossomfall rejects her help.

And then of course, the big scene. Blossomfall admits her deepest fear, that Millie no longer loves her, to Ivypool, and Ivypool immediately understands, thinking of her own jealousy of Dovewing.

That’s pretty much a summary of the evolution of the BlossomIvy relationship. For all you visual learners, here’s a handy chart

It’s hardly scientific, but arguing that Blossomfall and Ivypool don’t move from antagonistic to emotionally vulnerable with each other would be a hard stance to take given the sharp difference between the argument during the assessment and the conversation in the tunnels. Even when Blossomfall is telling Ivypool that she can take care of herself after Ivypool saves her from Ratscar, it doesn’t necessitate an interpretation of them as hostile--it can be read as either “I don’t want your help” OR “I can take care of myself” the latter of which invites a lot of classic romance tropes.

If you don’t read their relationship as potentially romantic, they still go from not understanding each other to understanding each other the best out of any other cat in their Clan. That’s a pretty significant development (especially for Warriors oof) so even if you still think Blossomfall is a brat or spoiled or emotionally stunted because of her jealousy of Briarlight, the text shows that Ivypool and Blossomfall at least have the potential to be extremely close friends and confidantes.

And if you DO read their relationship as potentially romantic, first of all welcome to the club, here’s your club-sanctioned hat and waterbottle with an engraved picture of em, and second of all, it’s really not a stretch. Again, they have a great deal of common ground. Blossomfall tells Ivypool her deepest insecurity and Ivypool understands. She doesn’t lecture Blossomfall and disagrees when Blossomfall says that she’s a bad cat. Despite not having a whole lot to go on, what we do have 100% shows them trusting and understanding each other.

Overall, what I want to argue is that THE BlossomIvy argument in Night Whispers is absolutely not enough to write them off as toxic; in fact, it later shows how much their relationship has developed. Additionally, it’s not just some random ship where we picked two she-cats out of a hat and then made a bunch of fan art; they have a legit connection, whether or not you think they have chemistry or are a better ship than say, FernIvy. They are in similar enough situations that they’re able to sympathize with each other more than Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Bumblestripe, Toadstep (?) or any other important cat in their lives can. That’s a helluva lot more to go off of than just “they trained in the Dark Forest together” or “they’re friendly sometimes” like we have for other major ships for the two of them. (Let me also explictly say that I’m not trying to argue that BlossomIvy is more canon than BlossomThorn and FernIvy, because no shit--the latter two have kits and are canonically mates. I’m just arguing over what makes most sense and who would work best as a pair)

3: Blossomfall’s family

Here’s the other major point of Blossomfall’s character; her relationship with her sister and her mother. Let’s answer a few questions. Is Millie actually ignoring Blossomfall or is Blossomfall being unreasonable? Does it matter if Millie is neglecting Blossomfall and should Blossomfall be self-sufficient as an adult? How does Blossomfall’s jealousy of Briarlight affect Briarlight herself, and what is Blossomfall’s relationship with her littermates? How does Blossomfall react to Millie’s perceived neglect?

And we’ll knock em off one by one:

Q: Is Millie actually neglecting Blossomfall or is Blossomfall being unreasonable?

A: This isn’t an easy question to answer. There are arguments to be made on both sides; Blossomfall is a young adult by the time Briarlight is injured (around 18 if you use my AU lol) and therefore probably shouldn’t require her mother’s constant attention. On the other hand, Millie is shown to be very attentive to her children and very concerned when they’re hurt or potentially going to be hurt (149, Fading Echoes). After Briarlight becomes disabled, Millie’s concern for Blossomfall vanishes. Blossomfall is injured training in the Dark Forest (and let  me point out that Blossomfall is not the one who seeks out her mother’s attention; Hazeltail does it on her behalf) and Millie doesn’t care. (273, Sign of the Moon) Later in Sign of the Moon, Blossomfall has hit her head pretty hard and turns up after hours of being missing and Millie’s reaction is to chastise her for not hunting on Briarlight’s behalf. It’s sharply contrasted in-text with how Whitewing reacts to Ivypool, who hasn’t even been hurt. (323, Sign of the Moon) This is a pretty definitive display of how Millie does not care about her other daughter’s well-being anymore. If you’re thinking, “Well, Blossomfall was being irresponsible by running off into the tunnels, so she’s not innocent here” I agree, however let me employ my good friend Extremely Detailed Metaphor to explain why Millie isn’t either.

Let’s put this in terms of a human situation; a high school AU, if you will. I’ll paint a picture; it’s mid-winter, Sunday night. Blossomfall, her mother, and her sister Briarlight, live on a block where everyone is expected to shovel the snow in front of their house. Briarlight and Blossomfall get to school by walking to the bus stop at the end of the street. Millie tells Blossomfall to shovel the snow outside of their house that night so that Briarlight will be able to get to school on Monday in her wheelchair.

Instead, Blossomfall goes to a party, gets drunk, tries to drive herself home, gets into a car accident, and gets a concussion. Millie arrives at the hospital and, without making sure Blossomfall is okay, goes off at Blossomfall, telling her that she should have shovelled the entire block instead of going out to party.

Now, we’re once again in a situation where Blossomfall has been irresponsible, Millie is putting unreasonable expectations on her other daughter out of pity for Briarlight, and Millie is unconcerned about Blossomfall’s well-being. Unquestionably, Blossomfall did the wrong thing by going to a party/exploring the tunnels. BUT. That does not excuse Millie’s reaction. Millie is justified in being upset that Blossomfall is shirking her responsibilities, but not even bothering to find out how seriously she’s been injured is appalling behaviour from a previously-attentive mother. And you don’t need to take my word for it; from Whitewing and Brackenfur’s reactions, it’s obvious that no one thinks Millie is behaving in an acceptable fashion. She blatantly disregards Blossomfall’s well-being.

Seriously, I know it’s a pretty dire accusation, but with both examples of Blossomfall being injured post-Briarlight-injury and Millie either ignoring her or lecturing her, I don’t really know what other conclusion can be drawn. And let’s not villanize Millie utterly; Graystripe gets absolutely no mention in any instance despite being their father, so ??? what’s up with him. Overall, though, Blossomfall is not making up shit. There is literally no example post-Briarlight-injury of Millie showing concern for Blossomfall, only ever ignoring or admonishing her.

Q: Does it matter if Millie is neglecting Blossomfall and should Blossomfall be self-sufficient as an adult?

A: Again, not an easy question to answer. This is highly subjective, but if an adult’s mother suddenly lost all concern for their well-being, I’d argue that would be pretty damn destructive to that adult’s self-esteem. When you turn 18 or become a warrior, you don’t magically become self-sufficient and totally independent from your family, no matter what Warriors wants to tell you lmao. Those relationships are still very important, particularly for Blossomfall since as I’ll argue later, one of the most consistent points of her character is that she is extremely family-oriented. To go from her mother fussing over her and always being concerned for her health to her mother giving less than a shit about her when she gets lost and injured... I don’t care if she’s technically an adult. It’s not about her being attention-seeking or childish, it’s about her being completely cut off from one of the main relationships in her support system for no fault of her own. It does matter if Millie no longer cares about her daughter, whether or not the daughter in question is 16 or 18, an apprentice or a warrior. Blossomfall has lost an important relationship in her life, and it does a big hit to her self-esteem.

Q: How does Blossomfall’s jealousy of Briarlight affect Briarlight herself, and what is Blossomfall’s relationship with her littermates?

A: Oh good, an easy one at last. First, Blossomfall doesn’t blame Briarlight. She blames Millie. Second, Blossomfall is only ever shown to be loving and caring toward her sister. Third, (again) the most consistent thing about Blossomfall is that she puts her family first. The first two points can be supported in tandem; if Blossomfall truly blamed Briarlight for Millie’s disregard of Blossom, then why are all her interactions with her sister warm and loving? Very unfortunately, we don’t have many interactions between Briar and Blossom of any kind post-Briar-injury, but Blossomfall and her brother are the first to cheer for her at Briarlight’s ceremony (235, Fading Echoes) and Blossomfall eagerly brings fresh-kill to share with Briarlight (248, Fading Echoes). Later, Dovewing and Poppyfrost overhear one of Millie’s little monologues about how Briarlight’s life is ruined and Poppyfrost remarks that it’s a good thing Bumblestripe and Blossomfall didn’t overhear her. Draw your own conclusions, but to my understanding, this is a pretty plain demonstration that “Millie thinks Briarlight’s life is ruined and Bumblestripe and Blossomfall vehemently disagree, to the point at which they would start a big argument with their mother over that point” is common knowledge in ThunderClan. (143, Night Whispers)

Time and time again, Blossomfall loves and supports her sister. There’s no instance of Blossomfall putting the blame of Millie’s behaviour on Briarlight, only on Millie herself. In the big moment in the tunnel, Blossomfall doesn’t say “Do you think Briarlight would happy if I died and she got all Millie’s attention to herself?” she says “Do you think Millie would miss me?” followed by “I can’t bear seeing [Briarlight] suffer.” (312-313, Sign of the Moon) It’s not about Briarlight. She loves her sister and at the same time, cannot help being jealous of her, because it’s about Millie’s attention.

Finally, Blossomfall’s family is incredibly important to her. She and her littermates are continuously used for Dovepaw to angst about how she and Ivypaw are no longer close. For example, we get Blossomfall fretting over both of her siblings (327, Night Whispers), then Blossomfall being petty and upset because Bumblestripe chose to train with Dovewing instead of her and Bumblestripe dismissed her as being ridiculous (247, Forgotten Warrior). I’m not saying Blossomfall was in the right, there, but it does show Blossomfall’s devotion to her family and her expectation that her littermates do the same. There are also all of the above examples of them cheering at Briarlight’s ceremony, Blossomfall bringing fresh-kill to share with Briarlight, and the implication that Blossomfall and Bumblestripe would object to the way that Millie talks about Briarlight.

Q: How does Blossomfall react to Millie’s perceived neglect?

A: Another fairly easy one. Blossomfall puts on a front of not caring. When Millie admonishes her for daring to get lost and hurt, Blossomfall doesn’t lash out at her mother, much less Briarlight. She never fights back, she doesn’t tell her mother that she’s being callous and neglectful, she accepts it silently and then tells Ivypool, verbatim, “Whatever. This is just the way that it is now.” She rolls over and accepts it, as much as it hurts her, and the Dark Forest takes advantage of that unresolved pain. (323, Sign of the Moon)

Even earlier in Sign of the Moon, when Blossomfall has just begun training in the Dark Forest (suggesting she has been ignored by Millie long enough that the Dark Forest has been able to draw her in) she wakes up injured and Hazeltail notices. Blossomfall brushes it off, which I would infer is because she’s adjusted to her pain and injury being ignored but you can read as an isolated incident if you really want to, but Hazeltail insists on bringing Millie’s attention to it. Millie dismisses it and Blossomfall is angry, but silent, which again, I would infer is because that’s what Blossomfall expected from Millie and is hurt to have her expectation confirmed (273, Sign of the Moon). This can’t be read as an isolated incident, because Blossomfall is already training in the Dark Forest, therefore Millie has been ignoring her for a while now.

4: Is Blossomfall a bad person?

In conclusion, no.

Blossomfall is upset when her mother stops caring about her well-being and believes that she deserves to go to the Dark Forest because of her jealousy over her sister (313, Sign of the Moon). I’m not saying that her self-hatred means she’s a good person, but it’s obvious that she wouldn’t choose jealousy if she had the option to not feel this way.

Critically, what I want people to take away from this, is that Blossomfall, like all of us, doesn’t have complete control over how she feels. She cannot choose to wake up and simply not be jealous of her sister and be fine with her mother’s indifference to her well-being. She believes that feeling this way makes her a bad person and would, of course, change if she could. The only thing that is within Blossomfall’s control is how she reacts to her jealousy and hurt. And the way that she reacts is by taking it out on herself, by training in the Dark Forest, and by mentally beating herself up for feelings outside of her control. There is not a single example of her lashing out at Millie, or god forbid her sister Briarlight. She is silent in the face of Millie’s bad treatment of her and supportive and loving of Briarlight. Self-hatred is of course, not a virtue, but our society prefers it to harming others.

That’s why I can say with confidence: Blossomfall is a good person, if prone to occasional self-hatred, pettiness, and thoughtlessness. Those are not flaws that make someone evil, just normal and struggling. She is not perfect and completely loveable, but she is not toxic, or spoiled, or unreasonable. She’s just a person who has been hurt by others’ behaviour and punishes herself for things outside of her control. She loves her family, tries to take care of herself, and doesn’t always perform perfectly.

Thanks for reading. I hope you’re at least thinking a little more about previously formed opinions on Blossomfall and that we all continue to read critically in the future.

End note: So why did I call this a lukewarm defence, anyway? Other than making reference to one of my favourite video essayists, Blossomfall is a complex cat often misunderstood by the fandom, but she’s also a shithead. Post-OOTS, she’s pretty unequivocally a kitty-racist. But she’s also Thornclaw’s wife, so it’s not like that’s the only way her character gets yanked out of its previous characterization for the convenience of the plot. Consider this a defence of Blossomfall in Omen of the Stars by a person who would rather pretend she died just after it and A Vision of Shadows (and later books) has another character in her place. I’m not interested in debating Blossomfall’s behaviour post-OOTS. She’s bad, whatever, but don’t smear the good name of her character development in OOTS.

[mediocre--writing]

The Only Aussie I’d Fuck

Luke Hemmings x Reader

Word Count: 3K

Summary: Luke’s girlfriend, Y/n, is a famous actress she’s been begging him to watch her show and he’s finally caving, watching with his band mates, but how will Luke feel at her and her co-star’s on-screen relationship?

Warnings: Despite the title, this isn’t smut, a few mentions of making out but no smut. 

All the boys sat crowded around the television as the screen was being switched from Cable to a streaming service.

It was unlikely that the boys would just sit around a TV when they weren’t touring, since they usually wanted to do things they weren’t allowed to on tour, like spend time with loved ones or, the least likely thing they would actually get to do on tour, have a good night's sleep. But this was a special occasion, Luke’s girlfriend, Y/n, had been practically begging him to watch her show for the past few months, and he wasn't ignoring his girlfriend, he just never really had the time to. 

She had wanted to watch it with him, something that she had expressed multiple times to him on the phone, but she was busy filming the next season of the show somewhere in the mid-western US, Nebraska, he thinks. It was some sort of horror/comedy/teen coming of age thing that she never really explained other than she was in it and alluded to him a time or two. 

Luke was immensely proud of her and all that she had accomplished, when they met in 2014, he never thought that they’d both become who they were today and they never imagined the relationship that grew between them, especially a healthy relationship, given their current occupations that set certain restrictions on their capabilities on getting together in person. 

They fit together well, where he was introverted to an extent, she would push him out of his comfort zone, and vice-versa depending on the situation. They both understood each other on different levels, they both had a really creative and artistic side, yet they also enjoyed the quiet peace of being home just laying in the quiet; sans Petunia’s toenails tapping on the hardwood floors as she roamed about the house aimlessly. 

All the boys settled in to watch, given they were all close to Y/n as well, for she had gone on the american leg of the Sounds Live, Feels Live and Meet You There tours with them and bonded with the boys, gaining three more friends, real friends, not some snobby stuck up bitches that she worked with regularly. These were normal, down to earth boys who understood more than money and fame and could take a joke. 

Luke snapped a picture of the screen and the boys and their load of snacks and sent it to Y/n, proof that he was actually, finally, watching it, something she’d been begging him to do for far too long. 

As the show loaded and began to play, Michael nudged Luke’s shoulder a few times as Y/n’s face came into view, showing her sitting in a classroom gnawing on the eraser part of her pencil. 

“Look at our girl” Ashton said as they all watched the screen with more attention than they ever gave at a business meeting.

The show was set in a private-school like setting, all the kids wearing white and navy blue uniforms. The whole scene had a white noise, disturbed only by the slamming of a book, which made Y/n’s head shoot up to look at the teacher. She had a kind of glare to her eyes as she stared at the older man, who looked very displeased at her attention focused on her daydreams rather than school. 

“Ms. Carter, what was I talking about a moment ago?” 

“Dinosaurs!” She said with confidence. 

“This is a calculus class, Ms. Carter, detention,” 

“Aye, Aye captain,” She saluted him, causing him to shoot her another glare as she smirked and high fived a few people around her. 

The scene changed as she was now walking through the hallways, towards a crowd around the bathrooms, “What’s up, Maggie, we watching people piss or something?” 

A girl, who Luke distantly remembers Y/n complaining about at some point, begins to speak, “There’s a new hot guy in the bathroom and some girl said that he’s from a different country.” 

“We live in fucking Nebraska, who the hell would move here? People move away from here, not to here.” 

“Just wait, I swear he had a weird voice!” Another girl said from the group. 

“Was it anything like yours? Because if so we may need to fumigate the place” Y/n snapped at her. “What’s his name? Or do you know nothing other than his ‘weird voice?’” 

After her statement, the boy came out to see the small group of seven-ish girls standing near the boys bathroom. 

“Hey you! What’s your deal?” Maggie yelled at the boy.

He turned, showing his TV-perfect face scrunched in confusion, “What'd ya mean?” 

“Where you from, why are you here, what's your deal?” Maggie spat at the poor boy who was blushing redder than a firetruck. 

“I’m Oliver Hunnington and I’m from Sydney, my dad got a job somewhere here and so I’m here too.” He shrugged, looking far too uncomfortable with the situation

“Sydney like as in Australia?” Maggie asked with a raised eyebrow, to which he nodded and ducked his head in embarrassment at the herd of girls staring at him like raw meat. 

Y/n’s character stepped up with a hand held out to him, “I’m Savannah Carter, and you look like you’re about to shit your pants so do you need help finding your classes or are you just generally terrified of women?” 

The boys chuckled at the statement, thinking of how Y/n had said something similar to Luke the first time they met, the boy was blushing so bad he looked ready to pass out.

“Little bit of both, not gonna lie,” He chuckled, to which she grabbed his hand, looked him in the eyes with a smirk, and led him down the hallway, the girls hooting after them, Y/n turning to playfully glare at them.

The first episode just established the basic plot, it ending with a threatening scene of some gloved hands cleaning a bloody hammer as screaming is heard in the background, the end credits rolling as the next episode begins to load. 

The show was good, it wasn’t like the cringy ones that have creepy staring contests that were meant to be intimate, and the comedy wasn’t forced, it was just generally sarcastic, and it was actually enticing to watch, not just another boring Riverdale-type knockoff. 

Y/n’s character had made a few flirty remarks at Oliver, mostly jokes about eating him alive if he’d let her and asking him if he’d ever done...things with girls, which were awkward scenes but funny nonetheless.

She had teasingly trailed her fingers down his neck and shoulders a few times. There have been a few make-out scenes between her and a few other characters, most of them being guys though there was a point when she kissed Maggie, but those scenes only caused mild discomfort for the boys, three of which had been eyewitnesses to her and Luke’s make-out sessions every once and awhile. 

Her character was so different from the Y/n they knew, Y/n was kind and soft and would bake them cookies when she felt like it and she would never force anyone to do anything. Her character, Savannah, however, was sexual and not at all the socially anxious Y/n they all knew too well, Savannah had an air about her that couldn’t be ignored and practically begged for attention. 

They were on the seventh episode, they were gonna end on the fifth but they got intrigued by the plot and decided “just one more” which was really just an excuse, though they knew none of them wanted to actually stop the next episode from playing. 

The show is all about a person who is going around and hurting people, but never killing them, just slow torture, but you don’t know who they are and nobody can figure it out, and one of the characters involved with the main characters in the first episode was attacked by the masked person, so they all get involved; Savannah, Maggie, Oliver, and the other, more minor, characters in the show. 

Another character, Jess, an innocent girl who was a class below them and looked up to Savannah to guide her, so she became like a little sister and helped them all figure things out because she was really smart. 

Oliver and Savannah got really close too. She would always make sexual jokes at him and make him uncomfortable just so she could see him blush and have his hair fall over his face as he looked down in embarrassment. 

The scene the boys were at now consisted of them being at a party, Y/n’s character and Jess being in a bedroom looking for anything suspicious, while they talked idly. 

“Do you ever worry what this all could mean for your future?” Jess asked.

“What do you mean?” Savannah asked, stopping her searching and leaning on the bed.

“Like what if something happens and things go wrong and… i don't know what if someone thinks we are the ones doing… all this?” 

“Listen honey, I hate to tell you this, but my only goal in life is to get that cute little Aussie downstairs to pin me down by my neck and fuck me so hard that I can taste it, so if you’re asking me for advice about the future and shit, I’m really no help at all, kid,” Y/n’s character said with a smirk as she returned to looking for whatever she was looking for before. 

Calum, who had just been taking a sip of water, choked on it as all the boys looked up to Luke, who was staring wide eyed at the TV with a prominent blush across his cheeks. 

Michael and Ashton, who had moved to the floor in front of Luke and Cal on the couch somewhere between the third and fourth episode, were wiggling their eyebrows while Calum turned around and rubbed his hands over his back as if he were making out with someone, making Luke flush even more than before. 

A weak “Stop,” could be heard but the boys just laughed at Luke as they returned to the show. 

They ended up finishing the series that night, since there were only 11 episodes and they had to finish it then or else they would never be able to find the time to sit and actually finish it. 

It ended with Y/n’s character being attacked by the masked killer guy, but surviving and finding out that it was Jess’ dad who was behind the attacks, and he was manipulating Jess to get information on people going against him.

Savannah and Oliver ended up having their little moment, which gave the boys another reason to make jokes at Luke. 

The scene consisted of her grabbing his silky looking shirt and pulling his face to hers, whispering, “Is that a telephone pole in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” 

“Well maybe I was promised a chance at something and now I finally have the perfect moment to get it.” 

“Then come get it, we don’t have all day,”

He shoved her into the wall by her hips and reached a hand up to her neck, “We have as long as we want,” 

She smirked and the scene was moved to an overview of the city, turning into a map, then a big, red X was placed over the house that it had zoomed away from, then the credits rolled. 

The boys decided that, since it was roughly 4 am anyways, that they’d all just stay the night, especially since they were gonna meet at Luke’s and have brunch together the next day anyway. 

Ashton and Michael ended up knocking out on the floor, Calum curled up in a chair and Luke took the couch. 

--

The sun rose only a few hours after they had fallen asleep, which didn’t disturb their sleep in the slightest, but the knocking on the door sure did. 

KayKay and Crystal had been knocking on the door for at least ten minutes before Crystal tried to call Michael, who didn’t answer, so she called Luke, then Ashton, but neither of them answered either. 

Calum was woken up by the buzzing of their phones, so when his phone rang, he answered with a groggy voice, and had to pull the phone away from his ear at the sound of excited squeals, “Thank God!” Crystal said, “Let us in, we've been here for half an hour and it's COLD!” 

Calum chuckled as he walked to answer the door, kicking Michael and Ashton’s backs as he walked by, causing them to stir in their sleep. 

Cal let the girls in and the other boys woke up soon after, getting semi-ready for their brunch, which was looking to be more of a lunch as they took forever to wake up and get ready-- the boys claimed it was payback because the girls always took far to long to get ready.

The boys told KayKay and Crystal about how they finally watched Y/n’s show, to which they made a few remarks of “What took you so long?” and “Isn’t it great?!” and “Damn, I wanted to watch Luke’s face when she made the Aussie jokes at Oliver!” 

When they finally were about ready to leave, there was a knocking on the door, each of them looking around in question since their whole group was already here. 

Given it was Luke’s place, and he was still getting ready, they had a silent debate on who would get the door before Crystal’s eyes widened almost comically and she shot up to go to the door. 

Michael made a face at her as if asking “What the fuck?” but made no verbal response to her actions until there was loud squealing heard from the door. 

Luke came down the stairs as the guys rounded the corner to see the door when they saw Crystal jumping and hugging someone--Y/n.

Luke came the rest of the way down the stairs and shoved through his friends, towards his girlfriend, and picked her up just moments after she had escaped Crystal’s death grip. 

“Hi Bubs,” She whispered into his curly hair, which made him hold her even tighter than he was before, Crystal had taken a secret picture of the couple hugging (which would soon become Luke’s phone wallpaper). 

The hug lasted a bit longer than it should have, but they hadn’t seen each other in person for over four months, so the rest of the group ignored it for now, especially since they were just hugging and not having a fun little make out-sesh in front of them like they had a tendency to do every now and then. 

Luke set her down and looked into her eyes, which were filled with happy tears that had yet to fall, “When did you get back?” 

“I took the weekend off to come see you because I don’t have to work until Tuesday next week and I really wanted to see you and then you sent me the text last night and I wanted to watch the show with you even if it was cringy for me. Then I realized that I really, really needed to see you and so I booked a plane ticket and it left at like four this morning and I’m really tired but I'm here and I’m with you.”  Y/n barely breathed as she explained herself, but Luke just fell more and more in love with her, if that was possible.

Luke put his hands against her jaw as if he was going to kiss her but he just looked into her eyes and smiled, a big toothy grin that took up his whole face and made her smile too, tears dripping down her cheeks freely now as they hugged again. 

After their hug, he invited her to come to brunch with them unless she was too tired, in which he would stay at home with her, but she agreed to go to brunch because she hasn’t eaten in almost 12 hours and “might drop dead of hunger soon” if she didn’t eat soon. 

They went to a smaller cafe for a lunch/brunch thing where half of them got waffles and the others got hamburgers or pasta. 

They joked and laughed for a few hours, basking in being together as a group for the first time in forever. The boys recounted tales of touring that the girls may have missed and also complimented Y/n on the show they finally watched, to which she shoved her head into Luke’s shoulder in embarrassment, but thanked them nonetheless. 

They all hugged Y/n, as it would likely be the last time they’d see her that weekend, then they all drove to their respective homes. 

--

When Luke and Y/n got inside, Luke grabbed her waist from behind as she squealed, “Put me down, Bubs!” 

He ignored her and just walked up the stairs to his room and threw her onto the bed, causing her to squeal again. 

“So are you saying that you don’t want me, a hot Aussie, to pin you down by the throat and fuck you?” She groaned, not an erotic groan but one of annoyance as she looked up at Luke who was also giggling at her reaction. 

“I hate you! I really do! I really, really hate you! I swear to god, Hemmings, I can not stand you!” Her cheeks became hot as she shoved her head into the pillows.

Luke just giggled as he laid down next to her and pulled her in by the waist and cuddled into her like a koala, “I love you, you know that?” 

“Matter of fact I do know that, and I love you too,” She said, “but I don’t love you when you use my character’s dialogue against me, hurts my heart a little bit, not gonna lie,”

He pushed his bottom lip out in a pout, “Well I’m sorry, how bout we cuddle then we can just watch something on TV or nap, because I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t fall asleep til after 5 and you had an early flight, so I feel like i’m gonna crash soon.” 

“Fine by me, bubs,” She took a deep breath, inhaling the way he smelled as if it were the last time she would be with him and she snuggled her face into his chest a bit more, electing a giggle from him, “Fine by me.”

“I’m still the only hot Aussie you want to fuck though, right?” Luke asked quietly, looking down at her.

“Of course you are, you’re the only Aussie I’d want to fuck, you big baby,” 

They both giggled for another moment and Y/n drifted to sleep, soft snores coming from her parted lips as Luke could almost see the small velvet box sitting in his underwear drawer that he couldn’t wait to give her soon, really soon.

[shadowhunterssizzy]

One last thing

I’m going to take a much needed break after this because i’m not sure i’m gonna continue on with the series. I’m running on 4 hours of sleep so probably my thoughts are incoherent and don’t make sense, so bare with me. 

I’m not gonna lie, the Azriel POV felt like a blow and a slap to the face all at once. I kept rereading it because i love pain and I felt mora towards Gwyn than elriel, and this comes from someone that has been shipping elriel since acomaf. I love them. I truly do. I wanted to explore the mating bond not working, the choosing someone over your mate, but azriel’s pov didn’t give me anything like that. It just reforced the fears I had once I knew about gwyn some days before. Now I’m sure Gwyn is great. I’m sure she will be great with Azriel. Sarah loves to explore healing dynamics and i think azriel and gwyn fits that. A victim of assault healing and a guy who has been in love for 500 years and obsessed with another girl he can’t have but finally finding love and healing as well. And this is where my thoughts starts to ramble again:

1. Why didn’t we get elain’s pov?. In the previous book we got Nesta’s but in this one we get Azriel’s , why?. Why not make the sister POV and see her struggles with the mating bond and her attractions towars azriel?. Well, in my eyes it’s because the next book is not about her

2. The 3some situation. Let’s be honest. We all knew it will be a threesome but this isn’t even one. Now we have a mating bond and gwyn. All of this in one book. Tamlin, rhysand and rhys conflict was resolved in two, not in one, and sarah said that each book will focus ON ONE COUPLE. Not two potentials couples. ONE COUPLE EACH. This has been stated by Sarah on her lives, so pardon me but I’m not seeing this going anywhere.

3. Gwyn and Azriel: We know that Az saved her. It’s clear that meant something to Gwyn and he was amused by her. Now people said Gwyn’s arc is completed but is it?. IT’S NOT. Gwyn is not a Valkirie yet and Nesta states that Az and Cassian will still train them and keep an eye on them. Gwyn goes back to the library but her story is nowhere to be completed. The valkyrie training and their dynamic to fight Koschei is still there. Her story might be almost completed but there’s something else to tell. She will still train and Az will monitor. The link is there. Meanwhile we don’t know much about Elain. Like we know Koschei wants her but it doesn’t seem like that’s the next plot, it seems most likely the last one

4. Azriel is horny: When i read his interactions with elain i was like ok.... they had an attraction but is there anything else?. Sure, we got crumbs for 3 books but Nesrin and Chaol did and look where they end up with. Chaol with Yrene a character that was introduced later even though he had a story with Nesrin. Now azriel seems to be angry at the cauldron for not pairing him with elain but is it really about her? Or is it because he wanted a mate so badly after spending 500 years with Mor?. Is it because his brothers found mates and he was like what about me?. Maybe this is exactly what sarah was trying to told us all the time. 3 Ylirians with the 3 sisters its not okay. Azriel questions the mother, and maybe that’s the conflict. He wants a mate so badly and someone who will love him and he will lust and be attracted to complicated but what happens when he will find something different?. Something that is healing and it’s there and he never expected?. Maybe the cauldron and the mother didn’t link him to elain because it wasn’t mean to happen. 

5. but..what about elain?. A lot of people said she’s been avoiding lucien and it’s right. We don’t know how she feels towards him really, mostly indiference and I hate the idea of her being forced into something. But we forget lucien and elain’s story is not finished and there’s a TRUE mating bond there plus Gwyn. It’s too much... Maybe elain needed to pursue someone else before realizing the world and the cauldron gave her a mate because that’s how it works. Maybe both elain and azriel needed to find each other to realize what really was there for them. Gwyn and Lucien. Now i don’t like the idea of neither of them and I won’t be reading that for sure. Bceuase 3 books of crumbs and little built up and a chapter of azriel confirming he is into elain just to be taken away after 5 minutes to pursue the gwyn narrative feels LIKE A SLAP INTO MY FACE. It feels as if sarah is saying well you know what you were right for 5 minutes but YOUR TIME IS UP, DING DONG DING WAKE UP!. It feels like she wanted a quick solution for the crumbs and she was like sure, they want to fuck but you know what they can’t because elain is with lucien and the mating bond will show her eventually and now az has someone who will make him realize elain and mor were nothing so let’s continue because elriel is over. You got your 5 minutes now let’s go back to the mating bond

6. Gwyn. Sarah has always stated her books are about healing and a personal journey. Gwyn is a victim of sexual assault and azriel saved her. By the end of the book azriel looks..happy. He seems comfortable with Gwyn. Eased. His shadows sing, he is a singer and so is she. He can imagine her face while getting that necklace and HE IS TREASURING THAT THOUGHT. He has hope again because gwyn is there and he can see her gleaming eyes and theres a true beauty there... Now we can agree it’s shitty what he did with the neclace but was he that moved about the fact that elain gave back the neclakce? He didn’t look that bothered. And it’s clear there’s a seed for gwyn and elain and it’s a strong one otherwise he wouldn’t have smiled thinking about her or end the chapter thinking about her face or slept perfectly. 

7. Going back to the mating thing. Rhys said that usually males will go crazy and females can’t be completely unaffected. There’s a story with Kodschei, Vassa and elain seems like the key. Maybe they will need elain to fight Koschei in the end and elain will be willing to go with lucien since azriel hurted her. Maybe realizing az is not there will finally allow her to open her eyes and at least try. Let’s be honest, elain was not fond of meeting lucien but maybe it was because she felt like she had no choice. Maybe in the end azriel it’s just the push for her to finally try to give lucien a try. Without azriel elain probably wouldn’t have talk to lucien. But if she is hurt maybe she will try to give lucien a chance and azriel and her will part ways. Maybe az and elain are just the push they needed to move on.

8. I know there are crumbs. I know he is protective of elain and he cares about her. But honestly in his POV it doesn’t look like it. It’s just look like a 5 year old kid who was pissed at the cauldron. And let’s be honest all his brothers has mates, az will find one, specially since sarah said she is excited to give him a story. I believe az and elain are the nesryn /chaol/yrene of all this. Sarah loves love triangles but usually they always end up with the later: aelin with rowan, dorian with manon, chaol with yrene.... usually the first one it’s never the option. Chaol had development with celaena. There was attraction but in the end neither of them were together. Feyre had a relationship with tamlin. They were in love and yet she needed time to realize rhys was the one. It took her some time to heal and yet she find her mate. This is the exact same thing. Crumbs for elriel but at the end there’s someone else, and the mother is there. Maybe that’s why the cauldron didn’t connect them. Because there was someone else

9. But..the mating bond rejection?. Rhys forgot about that one. There’s a trial. There is no way lucien is going to die and there’s no way azriel is gonna challenge him with a war coming. That would be too messy and we would need lucien present to see everything. Lucien will have to go back, see azriel and elain, accepted it and fight or not Az. is all of this going to happen in one book?. Withour gwyn maybe but gwyn is there.

10. How is elain feeling?. I haven’t forgotten about her. I’m surprised we didn’t get her POV and we got azriel’s. She gave the neclace back and she is avoiding him at all costs. We don’t know what is going through her mind and she is alone now. Her sisters are happy. Azriel seems happy with gwyn. She is alone with a mating bond and koschei after her and nesta. I don’t know how she is feeling and honestly i believe elain and az deserved better. Deserved better that this poorly written narrative where they lust after each other, give gifts to each other just to end up separated and azriel having other woman, his shadows singing and him treasuring the image of her and the blossomed beauty. A secret, treasured beauty. That’s about gwyn. And i think in the end sarah j maas got what she wanted. The mating bonds all in place at the expense of elriel. I know there’s a chance I’m wrong. But it feels like elriel was there for a minute and then it was crashed. The pov is not about elriel It’s about azriel finding someone else and having another crush. It’s about rejection and healing again. It’ about az being pissed at the cauldron for not getting a mate but maybe not realizing the true one is out there. It’s all about elriel being attracted to each other but for what?.

I’m sure i’m missing a lot of stuff. I’m sure gwyn is great and lovely and her story with az will be epic. I’m sure the mating bonds work and elucien will be great in the future. But it’s the same thing over and over again and i’m tired of couples being hinted just to be the realization of other couples being the true endgame. And elriel feels like a temporary thing sarah wrote.

Now i know i sound like a hater or someone who doesn’t like elriel. But it’s quite the opposite. I loved them for years. I knew they had all the odds against them, just like chaol and celaena did. I know they found great lovers. But i can’t help feeling like losing because nothing about his POV seems right and i’m failing to forget the last part of that chapter and az’s feelings towards gwyn. And i think deep down i truly lost with them

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Blue Eyes Part 30

Summary: After the Garrison is shot up, the youngest Shelby daughter finds a new home in London. She strips herself of her last name and tries to live a peaceful life far away from her brothers’ chaos in Birmingham. But fate leads her right back into it after she runs into Alfie Solomons.

Part 30: Tommy receives a letter from a dead man. 

       “Mr. Shelby, this was delivered to you.” Tommy’s assistant at the House of Commons set the envelope down on his desk.

           “Thank you.” He set his pen down for a moment and picked up the letter. It did appear addressed to him although the penmanship was very unkempt and blotted. Either way, Tommy opened the envelope.

           Inside was a very brief letter written in the same scrawling handwriting with several errors in spelling and grammar, almost as if a child had written it.

           Dear Tom,

Try an stay awy from black horrses. Rmind El ta feed Cril n Antea.

           Alfe

           It was utterly puzzling, to say the least. Tommy was holding what seemed to be the drugged-up stream of consciousness of a man who was supposed to be dead. If the letter was coherent, he would’ve assumed it had been sent before Alfie was shot. However, it wasn’t only the disjointed writing that proved that theory wrong. Up in the top right corner, no matter how much pain medication he was on, Alfie still managed to scribble out the correct date.

           Three days after he was supposedly gunned down.

           It took Tommy a moment and he wondered if he was mistaken. The idea seemed so outlandish but he had some sort of evidence.

           So, he picked up the telephone to find out where his sister was.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           To Ella’s dismay, it didn’t take Tommy long to find her. She wasn’t surprised when she heard his voice on the other end of the line, but she was disappointed.

           “Packing for America, then?”

           “Are you taking that tone with me while I’m grieving?” She retorted.

           Tommy leaned back in his desk chair and removed his glasses. “About that. I realized I never offered my help in assisting with the burial.”

           “Well, Jews have their own customs. They’re not like Travelers, they’ve got different ways of doing it.” She replied. The phone call had come out of the blue. Ella had returned to her room at the inn after walking the dogs to visit Alfie at the hospital. She brought them back and planned on returning to him once Cyril and Anthea were settled. Tommy caught her with one foot out the door.

           “Right.” He nodded. “Does that include addressing a barely readable letter to their brother-in-law?”

           Ella froze in place. Alfie was starting to slowly be weaned off the medication. He hadn’t mentioned anything about contacting Tommy, in fact, they both agreed that they’d lay low. At least until things were properly sorted and there wasn’t an evil anti-Semite threatening them.

           But she hadn’t been there by his bedside every second of every day. “I don’t know what you mean…”

           “I just received a letter from your deceased husband warning me about black horses and asking me to remind you to feed your dogs.”

           “I’m not sure what he meant, but I’m sure he sent it before he passed.” Ella clung onto the lie. The veil of falsehood was all she had to protect her husband as he lay vulnerable in a hospital bed. Absolutely no one could know.

           “Does he date his letters for the future?” Tommy inquired, clearly not buying what his sister was trying to sell him. He’d bought the tears but he liked cold hard facts.

           “Must’ve been a mistake.”

           He rolled his eyes. After all, he only had himself to blame for teaching her how to be such a damn good liar. “Where is he, Ella?”

           Silence.

           “My husband is dead.” There was no telling who was listening to Tommy’s calls in the Commons. Even if she was going to admit the truth to him, it wouldn’t be over the telephone. “But if you’d like to say goodbye to me before I leave for America, you’re welcome to do so. I would ask Polly of my whereabouts.” She wasn’t even willing to divulge her location just in case Mosley decided she was a loose end that needed taking care of.

           Tommy glanced at the phone and began to pick up on what his sister was implying. “Alright. I’ll talk to her.” He said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything about Alfie. I misread the date on the letter. His fours look like nines. It wasn’t fair of me to confront you while you’re grieving.”

           Ella could hear when Tommy was lying to her. He was playing a part over the line just like she was. “Alright, come soon then, I’ll be leaving within the next week and I don’t want to miss you.”

           “I’ll come as soon as I can.”

~~~~~~~~~~

           Tommy consulted with Polly who didn’t know Alfie was alive but did know Ella was still in England. She was in Southampton, still giving off the impression that she was leaving the country.

           He arrived at the small inn and met Ella at the door.

           “Where is he?” He asked the same question but with the intention that he was going to get the truth this time.

           “The hospital.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

           Tommy ran a hand over his face. “Why…why?” He asked. “Why did you lie to everyone? Ollie said…then you told me…”

           “What was I supposed to do, aye?” She snapped. “Let it get out that Mosley’s men missed the mark? They’d be storming the hospital room within hours. And they wouldn’t leave him alive the second time around.”

           It was a valid point that Tommy couldn’t refute. He sighed. “How is he?”

           “He’s making slow improvements.” She admitted quietly. “He’s blind in the left eye now. The stitches will heal but they’re worried about damage to his brain. He’s always complaining about pain if he hasn’t had medication. Said his head hurts.” She swallowed, her brow wrinkling. “But at least he’s alive. That’s all I can thank God for now.”

           “I’m sorry, El.” Tommy pulled his sister into a hug. “I really am, I just…”

           “Who’s doing it?” She asked, her voice muffled into his shirt.

           “Who’s doing what?”

           “Who’s killing this son of a bitch?” She pulled away. “Because I want to do it.”

           “I already recruited someone. I need you to stay as far away from this as you can.” Tommy replied firmly.        

           “That man tried to murder my husband solely because of his religion.”      

           “And if he finds out that you want to kill him then he could put hits out on our entire family.” He interrupted. “And if you killed him, the police would lock you up.”

           Ella looked disgruntled but dropped the matter. It was true that she didn’t want to worsen matters. She just wanted a little revenge. “Fine.”

           “Are you going to go see him now?”

           “Alfie? Yeah, I was just about to leave.” She nodded. “Do you want to come see him?”

           “I need to discuss plans with him.”

           “Plans? No, no, no, Alfie is not a part of this anymore. It’s over, Tom. He’s dead to everyone except you and me and that’s how it’s going to stay.”

           “I need his help for this to go through…”

           “No!” She shouted. “You keep pressing and pressing and I’ve had enough. He is in the hospital, nearly off his rocker because of the drugs they’ve had to keep him on because of how much pain he’s in! I could’ve lost him, Tommy, another centimeter and he would’ve been taken from me.”

           Tommy didn’t know what to say. At the end of the day, he knew that Ella didn’t control Alfie’s decisions. But it was rare that Alfie would disagree with her to agree with Tommy instead. Still, he knew he needed men from the Jewish community to cause a stir at the rally. And Alfie was the only way to ensure that.

           “Can I at least talk to him?” He asked.

           “You can talk to him for as long as you want. But under no circumstances will you put his life back in danger.” She jabbed a finger at him before starting to walk off.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           Alfie wondered if he was starting to see things now. His dose of morphine had been decreased but it still affected him. Still, he’d yet to have hallucinations.

           “Tommy?”

           “Hello, Alfie.” The Blinder walked in and took a seat. “I was hoping to talk to you about something.”

           “Hang on,” Alfie looked to his wife for clarification, “I thought I were s’posed to be dead to you.”

           “You wrote me a letter, Alfie.”

           “Did I?”

           Ella frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes, you did.”

           “Well, fuck, m’sorry for what I did while I was on drugs. I were shot by a fucking cunt, weren’t I?” Alfie grumbled. “What’d I write to you about then?” He asked.

           “You told me to stay away from black horses,” Tommy replied.

           “Oh, right, right…see I’ve been having dreams, mate. Dreams, yeah, ‘bout you with a horse. Big black horse out in a field, right, and you said goodbye. Then, bang.” Alfie folded his hands over his stomach. “What’d you reckon that is then, Tom, aye?”

           “I would say it’s the drugs talking,” Tommy replied coolly.

           “What’d you want to talk ‘bout then?” Alfie asked.

           Ella perched on the edge of the hospital bed. She wasn’t going to leave and let Tommy talk Alfie into doing something silly. She had a feeling her husband might be pissed off enough to be talked into getting some revenge. Hypocrisy at its finest, as far as she was concerned.

           “I’m in need of some of your men. There needs to be a disruption at the rally Mosley’s speaking at. I need a distraction.” Tommy explained short and simple.

           Alfie pondered the idea. “Right, how much then?”

           “How much? Alfie, people need to think you’ve passed. You cannot get yourself involved in this again!” Ella exclaimed in disbelief. “You were nearly killed and now you want to put another target on your back?”

           “No, love, what I want is for this fucker to be killed. So if Tommy needs some of me men, then he can pay for that privilege.”

           “It’s never enough for you two, aye? You can be shot a million times over but as long as you fucking survive, you’ll keep at it. When will you learn? Because I’m fucking sick of this!” She snapped and stood up to leave.

           “El, Ella, c’mon!” Alfie groaned as she slammed the door behind her.

           Tommy sat quietly for a moment. “You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, Alfie.” He reminded him.

           “I fucking know that.” He muttered in response. “But I ain’t just gonna sit ‘round doing nothing, am I? You need men, that’s fine. People are bound to find out ‘bout my survival anyway. Long as the right people don’t know then that’s fine. But you’re gonna need to offer me something in return.”

           “I’ll offer each man twenty pounds,” Tommy suggested.

           “Nah, mate, I want protection for Ella. Twenty-four-seven. From good fighters with good aims. ‘Cause if I do this for you, and it gets out that by God’s good grace that I’m still alive, he’ll be after her. Don’t fucking care if he offs me. But I’ll be damned if he even goes near her, right?

           Tommy nodded. “Alright. I can do that.” He stood up to shake his brother-in-law’s hand.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997 @tarafaithe

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Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[lovinlikeloki]

The Lone Wolf

Masterlist // 04

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 2.4k

King T'Challa agreed to let us stay here for a few days so that we can both recover from our fight and figure out our next move. Rogers, however, told us not to take too long, T'Challa is being very benevolent and we shouldn't risk our safety or the cleanliness of his reputation.

We've already discussed vague ideas of where we're going and who with. Splitting up is obviously the best idea, divide and conquer, and all that. Clint and Scott are going back to their families, with any luck they'll be able to negotiate for some sort of house arrest deal, but it won't be so easy for the rest of us.

The captain and Wilson are planning on sticking together, maybe go through Europe. Romanoff is planning on doing her own thing, as she usually does. Wanda is also planning on Europe, and with any hope she'll take me with her. We're still a bit awkward after our conversation in the bedroom but we're just kinda pretending it never happened. Right now I'm just discussing my plans with Wanda.

"What's your plans Fi?" she asks me.

"I was hoping to come with you Wands," I reply.

"No, absolutely not. That is not happening."

"Why the hell not? I can't go home; they have my information! And I don't want to hear the lecture that Shéa and Erin will have planned, they aren't my parents, not after they disowned me, but as legal guardians they'll have been informed."

"But Fia-"

"But nothing! I can't go back. They'll have talked to Orlaith by now, everyone knows she's my best friend. Not only that, but someone will have pointed them in Eoghan's direction and I especially can't endanger the pub. That is Eoghan's job, all the mercs' jobs, and I'm not going to take that away from them."

"Fianna I just want you to have a normal life. To be a normal teenager!"

"But I can't! Don't you get that? Ever since the damn experiments I can't be a normal teenager. My DNA has been ripped apart and rewritten, I'm not even human anymore. I'm not normal... and I never will be, not again."

"Well... I- I have an idea. Look you're not gonna like it but-"

"No."

"But I didn't even-"

"You just said I'm not gonna like it."

"Just listen Fianna," Wanda pleads.

"Fine. Go ahead," I roll my eyes.

"There's somewhere you can go. You'll be able to negotiate terms and you will be able to lead a somewhat normal life, wolf and all."

"It better not be-"

"Yes, it's Tony Stark."

"No. No way. There is no way I'm going to him of all people for help."

"Fianna please. He'll help you."

"No. He's the reason- Look Wanda, he's not in my good books. He wasn't before, and he sure as hell isn't now. Not after... not after last year."

"He can help you. He knows what you mean to me, what you meant to both of us. I've forgiven him, it's time that you do too," Wanda reasons.

"But he killed-" I trail off, tears starting to roll down my cheeks, "He's responsible for-"

Wanda moves closer, rubbing my back, letting me lean my head on her shoulder, "I know Fia, I know. He didn't though. He might've created Ultron, but he was trying to stop him too. He never meant for anyone to get hurt. Especially not Pi-"

"Don't," I jerk my head up, "No- na habair ainm s'aige! Ní dúirt- Ní dúirt mé é ó a bhfuair sé bás. Le do thoil— Wanda please."

(don't say his name! I haven't said— I haven't said it since he died. Please-)

"Okay, I won't say his name. But you won't even begin to move on, you won't begin to heal until you accept that he's gone."

I move back from her, shaking my head, "But he can't be. He just can't be gone. I already told you, he was my everything. I'm lost without him."

"But you weren't lost before him drăga, were you?" Wanda tries to reason with me.

(Darling)

"No," I wipe my tears away, "No I wasn't... but that was before all of this. Before the experiments. Before these powers. Before I met him. I can try to move on, I can, and say that maybe with time I do. But I'll always come back to him. Always love him. Always love him first. Before whoever I'm with. Whoever I marry. Whoever is the parent of my kids. They'll always be second best."

"I know, volk, I know," Wanda cradles my face in her hands, "But you will love again, maybe not as much, but you will," she wipes the tears still streaming down my face, "And while it won't be as strong it will still be as real. And no matter who it is, you know he'd be proud. You know that, right?"

(Wolf)

I nod my head, her hands moving with it before engulfing her in a hug. Wanda wraps her arms around my upper back and my head, soothing me like she did way back when. We stay like that for a minute or two and though it was a while before we pulled away it still felt too quick.

"And I'll always be here for you, fetiţa mea. Now, let's not dwell on the past, or on the future. Let us spend our time here making good memories, yeah?" Wanda smiles at me.

(My baby girl)

"Yeah," I breath, smiling back at her.

° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ ° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ °

I'm currently in Shuri's lab looking at all the cool tech she's made. She knows my skills and intellect and thought it would be cool if I got to look over her stuff and maybe even add stuff to it.

I get to browse the countertops with everything on them, the thing that sparks my interest most is the kimoyo beads. They are so freakin' cool.

I mean these thing can scan things, help heal people, control Wakandan tech, and they even make frickin' holograms! How cool is that?

"Ah, I see you've found the kimoyo beads," Shuri smiles when she sees them in my hand.

"Yeah, the tech is amazing, I mean I wouldn't even know where to begin making something like this. It's honestly incredible," I gush.

"Well, I could teach you how get started on advanced tech like this id you'd like," Shuri offers and I beam.

"Seriously?"

"Of course, I trust you, besides you're definitely capable."

"Okay then," I smile, "Where do we begin Múinteoir Shuri?"

(Teacher <prefix>)

Shuri then begins to teach me some little tips and tricks for basic tech that makes much more advanced in the long run. Just add an extra circuit here or just alter one you've already got and it takes your shit to a whole new level. Shuri might only be a little older than me but she's got some damn good skills.

She also asks me for suggestions for the new Panther Habit for T'Challa's new role as Black Panther. I give small ideas here and there but one that sticks is taking the shock absorbance to another level, redistributing the energy and making the shoes silent.

Its really nice to work with someone with Shuri's level of intelligence, she's like one of the smartest in the world. It's definitely better than the eejits (idiots) at school that I have to work with. While I'm nowhere near her level it's still good to be able to work with someone that knows what you're about to say before you even get the words out.

° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ ° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ °

After spending time in the labs with Shuri I go to the rest of the team. I'm kind of an outsider to them, they don't really know me and I don't really know them. I decide to try and approach one of them to try and... I don't know, bond? Or just become less of a stranger at least. I decide to go for who I deem the most approachable, Natasha Romanoff.

Now I know that you may think I'm crazy, thinking the easiest to approach is the fierce Black Widow, but my reasoning is somewhat solid. Romanoff was trained to read the room, read people and therefore she probably knows more about me than she lets on. We also share a somewhat similar background which while I wouldn't use as bonding material it means she can probably relate.

I sit down next to her and wait for her to make the first move, that way I won't force interaction and she can leave if the idea of it bothers her.

"Hey kid," Natasha begins.

"Hey," I reply.

"So, you're the kid Wanda always talks about," Natasha says absentmindedly.

"I guess I am. Wanda talks about me?"

"Oh all the time. She loves to talk about her little sister, the Volchitsa."

(She-wolf)

"Yeah... the irony of it all is almost comical."

"What irony," Natasha questions and I realise I hadn't explained.

"It's just my name," I shake my head, "Fianna, it's an Irish name. It has many meanings behind it depending on where you look, but the direct translation is what's funny."

"And why's it funny?" Natasha quirks an eyebrow.

"Because, what could be better for the girl who's a wolf than a name that means deer?"

Natasha nods, a small smile on her lips, "I do see the irony there. A predator named after her prey. But the Volchitsa is a good strong name, names are powerful things."

"They used to call me the Wölfin in HYDRA, another she-wolf nickname, this time in German, it was becoming feared. Black Widow is a strong name, also scary. A good name for a skilled agent though, the spider who eats her mate."

(She-wolf)

"I didn't get to choose that name," Natasha tells me, "It was chosen for me when I was even younger than you."

"Oh, I- I'm sorry," I stammer.

"Don't be. As you said, it's another strong name, a scary one too. The important thing is that the name Black Widow was once feared for bad reasons, now it's welcomed for good ones. Wölfin was feared because she was strong and could be used for bad reasons, use that or pick your own name that can be welcomed because she can use her skills for good."

I nod my head, slightly in thought, "I've had many names since getting my powers, Wölfin by HYDRA, Volchitsa by the twins, and back home the mercs, they called me an Mac Tíre. Again it means wolf, but this time in Irish, it feels more me but I can't use it anymore. Not if I'm going where Wanda wants me to."

"As I said, names are powerful. Having too many doesn't have to be a bad thing, it gives you options, I've had many aliases in my time, Natalia Alianova Romanova, Natalie Rushman, Nadia Roberts. It means that you can be whoever you want."

"...That's inspiring. Wölfin was a weapon, a child soldier, not someone I wanna be."

"Then don't be. Volchitsa was who the twins saw you as. A fluffball that they needed to protect," Natasha points out.

"Not her either, I'm different, I've changed since the twins- since Wanda last knew me," I correct myself but Natasha knows my slip up, she does, however, not bring it up.

"That currently leaves you with Mactíre."

"Yeah, the mercenary with a bite. I wasn't the only young merc but I'm the most memorable back home. Mactíre isn't feared per se, but she's respected and dangerous but kind, fiercely loyal."

"That sounds like someone I'd wanna be."

I look her in the eyes and can tell she's genuine, of course she is. The Mactíre is a good person, or at least she is now, her past isn't so good, a lot bloodier than it is now, but she's different. Natasha's right when she says that names have power. Mactíre is who I am now, maybe if I change again I'll use a newer name, or not, maybe I'll be a Mactíre mark II.

"Thanks Natasha, that means a lot," I tell her.

She nods before asking a question, "What did you mean when you said you couldn't be Mactíre where Wanda wants you to go?"

I internally sigh, I slipped up, she's Romanoff of course she didn't let it slide.

"I- Wanda wants me to go to Stark when we split. She thinks that he'll protect me and let me be normal. But he won't, he only protects himself."

"That's not true you know. That's actually the reason he signed the accords, he thinks we need to be put in check or we'll lose more lives than we save."

"Is that really the reason?" I quirk an eyebrow, "Or did someone say something and he feels the need to cover his ass?"

"That I can't answer. But he would protect you Fianna, he protected Wanda when Sokovia happened."

"Maybe, maybe he won't since I helped Steve. All I know is that he's hurt people I love and I don't forgive easy. Loyal remember? Fiercely loyal."

Natasha ponders what I've said for a moment before carefully choosing her words. "You make points, but I believe that he'll do the right thing. It'd be good for both of you, you'd get closure for the one's he's hurt and he'll get to face the consequences of his actions like he wants to. Besides, if you need somewhere to lay low I might now somewhere you can stay for a bit until you sum up the courage to face him."

"I- really?" I ask, unsure of whether or not she's kidding.

"Really," she confirms.

"Why?"

"I know what it's like to have to face something... especially your past, you need to build up to it."

"Thank you Natasha."

[irwinkitten]

men of mayhem | a.i

notes: i had a few people yell at me for part three and this isn’t going to be any nicer. sorry.  warnings: mentions of death word count: 3.5k

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part one, part two, part three

-

               Anne-Marie had managed to negotiate a smaller price of the remodelling by mentioning it was for the last member of the Morgan family. The town obviously knew Michelle and knew her ties with the Irwins, but also they understood how devastating this was for her and the community wanted to help.

Whilst they were getting measurements of the house for the redesigning and rebuilding, Michelle had gone to collect her parents and brothers' belongings from their workplaces and school respectively.

Ashton had stayed by her side, unwilling to let her too far out of his sight, but he also knew that doing this alone wasn’t fair on her. She’d taken the words of sympathy easily from her parents' coworkers. She knew them growing up and they understood what she was going through. Ashton had to tell them about the funeral time however—she’d been unable to get the sentence out from her lips—she’d choked on her words but they understood.

When she’d gone to Matty’s school, it was much harder. Seeing the fifth graders look at her with such sadness nearly broke Michelle to tears. Seeing his class sat silently, waiting for her to talk was something which made the situation so real for her. 

There were faces she recognised, their own older brothers and sisters having gone to school with both her and Ashton, and she briefly wondered if this was making it worse. In a small town like Charming, you knew everyone or at least their families.

“I wanted to thank all of you, for the cards that you’ve been sending me. I know that Matty was popular, and for a popular kid, he really loved you guys. Every time I came home from University, he had new stories to tell me every summer.” She could feel the first tear fall. The fact that these children were dealt with facing the prospect of their classmate dying so young, it hurt her.

One of the girls—Lana, she remembered—raised her hand.

“Will Matty be happy where he is now? Even though we miss him?” God she wanted to hug all of them, seeing the tearful faces. Even the boys. 

Ashton had been lurking in the corner. He’d ditched his club jacket for his plaid shirt and black muscle tee, knowing that the last thing he wanted was terrifying the children. A lot of them had seen him pick Matty up from school, so he knew that some of them had seen him in his full gear. But this time, it was a time for comfort.

He moved from his spot to take a seat next to Michelle, his hand in hers as she took in a slow, steadying breath. 

“I know that he’d be missing all of you. But he’s gonna be happy and safe, and when you’re sad and miss him, write a letter. You don’t need to post it, you can just keep it safe. But he’ll see the letter and know you’re thinking of him.” Her voice held a tremble and Ashton squeezed her hand gently.

“You’ve also got to remember it’s okay to cry. Even the boys. Your best mate is gone, and you’re allowed to miss him.” Ashton spoke quietly and he knew that the children were listening. 

“It’s really okay to cry?” One of the smaller boys asked quietly and Ashton nodded.

“You guys have probably seen me pick up Matty from school right? When I’ve got all of my biker gear on?” Lots of the children nodded. “And you probably think I’m a real tough guy who doesn’t cry?” More nods. “Let me tell you a secret then. I cry when I need to. If it’s too much for me, I’ll cry.” This earned amazed looks from the children and Michelle gave off a watery chuckle.

“He’s right. When we found out about Matty, he cried that night. If you miss him and you’re sad don’t think you’re not allowed to, okay?” She was met with more nods and the teacher, Alanah, gained her attention gently.

“We got a lot of Matty’s things together for you, but we wanted to ask if we could keep a few pieces of his work?” Michelle wiped a few tears away before nodding her head.

“I’m sure Matty would forgive me for letting you guys have some of his work.” This earned a few giggles from the children and Ashton kissed her cheek.

Lana had gotten up at the nod of Alanah and Michelle’s heart sank as she realised that Lana must've sat next to him and been his partner throughout the school year. She picked up the pile that had been put together nicely, tied with a small ribbon to hold it together.

“We wanted to make sure that it would be safe.” Michelle gave her a gentle smile as she took the package. “Would it be okay to hug you Mrs. Irwin?” She could only nod as Lana wrapped her arms around Michelle’s neck, and she held onto the young girl as tight as she dared.

“He couldn’t have asked for better friends.” Michelle finally got out when Lana had stepped back. The young girl gave her a watery smile in return before going back to her seat just as the bell rang. 

“How about you all head out for recess and when you guys come back, we’ll make more cards to take to the funeral. I’ve spoken with your parents and what we’ll be doing is your parents will bring you into school and then we’ll be heading to the church so we can say our goodbyes to Matty.” Alanah explained and the children—despite the solemn mood that had settled—chattered about what they would each put in their own cards as they headed out of the classroom, each of them stopping to give Michelle another hug.

Only Lana was brave enough to hug Ashton as well.

Once the door was closed, Michelle couldn’t stop the sob that escaped, her hand covering her lips as she tearfully gazed down at the package in her lap.

Alanah made her way over.

“The children have all been so good about this. Obviously they don’t know why Matty died, but they know that there was an explosion and that he was in it.” Michelle could only nod.

“What were the pieces of work you wanted to keep?” At this, Alanah smiled.

“A few pieces. You have the original works, but we’ve got it photocopied. The children want every future class to see the work that Matty did. Alanah held her hand out towards Michelle and she took it gratefully, standing up from her seat and allowing the young woman to guide her to the wall where there was a section that she hadn’t paid much attention to when she’d arrived.

The header—in bright colourful letters—read ‘Matty’s corner’. Underneath, she recognised the handwriting immediately. Various headers caught her eyes, moving onto each piece. It seemed that they had not only some of his essays that he wrote, but they kept some drawings he did, scattered between them. And she noticed small notes which told her that they were passed between him and his classmates. She giggled as her fingers traced one of them. When she reached the centre essay, Michelle had to pause, a gasp of air leaving her lips in shock.

‘Why My Sister Is My Hero.’ 

“I know that he looked up to you a lot, Michelle. When he handed this in, I had him read it out to the class because there were a few older children who made fun of him that you were never around anymore. After that, everyone in the class seemed to take a personal offence to those children making fun of him.” A smile tugged on the corner of her lips.

“Thank you Alanah. And thank you for what you’re arranging with the class for his funeral.” 

“He was a good boy. I put the point across to the parents of the class that this was not negotiable. They need to say goodbye to him because he was taken from their lives so very fast. When the parents realised that it meant that they wouldn’t have to take time off their jobs and take that stress away, they agreed it was beneficial for the children.” 

When they’d gotten home, it had taken all of three seconds before everything that she’d been holding back came flooding out. To see his entire class, be so accepting but to offer their own ways of comfort and remembrance, it was a lot for her.

The funerals rolled around soon after that and Michelle was reluctant to face anyone. To her knowledge, it had gotten to the Bulldogs of the plan for revenge, and so the club set up the newer members around the building to keep an eye out for any kinds of trouble.

Ashton had coaxed Michelle into eating some toast at least as they got ready. Bert and Anne-Marie had asked where she wanted them and she asked if they would sit behind her. She knew Ashton wouldn’t leave her side and she knew that Calum would take spot on her other side.

They had gone ahead and eventually Michelle pulled herself together, stepped out and met the hearses which held her parents and brother. It would be a procession through the town to the church and she nodded her head.

“We’re just waiting on one one more thing and then we’ll be off.” 

She looked to Ashton at the funeral director's words, confusion in her eyes and he could only shrug in return. And then the noise reached them before she saw them. In pairs, the club members drove past the hearses, and she could do nothing but lean into her husband, his arm wrapping around her as she let out a sob, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“It’s what they deserve. They’re family.” He whispered to her as they looped around and came up to the house and she realised that they were escorting them all to the church. 

Once they were in the car that would take them, Michelle could only lay her head on his shoulder, tears already falling. She knew that today would be long. 

When they reached the church, they were just waiting on her. They’d already explained to her that they would let her brother's coffin rest in hearse for the first part, which would mean that she would have to make this trip twice. But she could only nod and go along with it as she led the procession behind the coffin. Ashton had wanted to be a pallbearer, but she’d all but begged him to stay with her.

And he couldn’t say no to her at all.

Her parents' service was slightly easier. She’d requested their friends to speak their eulogies, to tell everyone else of their achievements. They’d obliged easily and taken that weight off her shoulders. 

Once more she returned to the front of the church, but this one was harder for her to witness as she welcomed his classmates into the church. 

Her parents' coffins were already going to head towards the graveyard where they would have to wait for Matty’s service to be finished. 

She’d quietly requested Lana to sit with her, now knowing that the girl had been his best friend. She was almost certain that in another life, they would have emulated her and Ashton had he gotten to live past his eleventh year. But life was cruel. 

Lana had accepted the request and hugged both Michelle and Ashton tightly as they waited for the pallbearers. 

It looked so wrong, seeing the pure white coffin being carried in by four people. Lana’s hand gripped hers tightly stepping closer to Michelle as they carried the coffin past the trio. 

She carefully guided Lana behind the coffin, briefly wondering if she had any more tears left to cry. She had a brief moment of amusement as Lana stared at Calum for a solid moment before taking the spot next to him and holding out her hand.

“Did you love him too?” The question very nearly set Michelle off as Lana asked Calum. He gave her a sad smile, nodding his head as he took her hand and squeezed it.

“I did. His sister is like my sister, so he turned into my brother too.” Calum explained it softly as they waited for everything to get set up. Lana nodded once, her doe like gaze returning to Calum after she’d glanced to the coffin.

“I’m sorry you lost him too.” Ashton had a tissue for Michelle as more tears fell, answering her silent question if she had any more tears to cry.

That answer was yes. 

Lana very bravely stood up to the congregation, not only of her classmates, but complete strangers. She told them all how he was her best friend. How they traded flowers and cards every year. They’d made it a tradition when they both had gotten nothing the first year of school. That was when their friendship had been born.

When she returned to her spot, Michelle wrapped the young, tearful girl in a tight hug. 

“He’d be so proud of you Lana.” She whispered. The young girl could only nod as she stayed like that, her hand searching out for Calum’s. Part of her mind wanted to tease her best friend, to crack a joke. But she knew she couldn’t. Everything hurt too much to even try.

At Michelle’s request, she’d asked his classmates to come with to see him being put to rest. She wanted all of their cards to go with him. And Alanah had obliged easily. Lana had been reluctant to leave Michelle’s side and with Alanah’s permission, the young girl went with the couple. 

Ashton went ahead to the car with Lana whilst she stood with Calum for a moment, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Someone’s got a crush.” She finally muttered, a few laughs escaping before they turned into sobs. Calum held her tightly as she let it out, unable to even try to hold herself together. She knew there was no judgement from anywhere because the last thing anyone would want would be to bury the last of their family members.

“I’d take an adorable eleven year old crushing over me than some of the older women making moon eyes at me.” He muttered and it caused an almost hysterical giggle to fall from her lips as she managed to calm herself down enough to make her way to the car.

Once more they had the bike escort to the cemetery and Lana watched amazed from the car as they drove there. 

The last part of watching her family get lowered seemed to be her breaking point. Michelle leaned heavily on Ashton once the children had all placed their cards on Matty’s coffin and he’d been lowered into the ground. 

Lana had hugged them both and had bravely hugged Calum as well before she returned to school with the class. 

All too soon, it was just her and Ashton with the remaining club members scattered. She remembered that Bert was going to make apologies on her behalf so that she wouldn’t have to go to the wake. And part of her was eternally grateful to them as she allowed Ashton to guide her back to the car that was waiting. 

By the time that they’d gotten home, she was half asleep and it wasn’t much longer until she was passed out in her husband's arms, exhausted and drained.

The following week she’d been walking around in a daze until Bert had sat down with her. They’d been waiting for the contractors to start building and she knew that it was most likely not going to be ready before she left for her final year of university, but she’d accepted that with ease. 

“I’m going to hand over the reins to Ashton tonight. I want you to be there.” Bert’s words had pulled her from her stupor and after a moment, she smiled at Bert.

“Finally cashing in on the retirement fund, old timer?” She knew it was a weak joke, but the grin she got in return said much more. They knew she’d get better, but she just needed time.

“Since most of us old folks don’t get that retirement fund, absolutely. When can I expect grandchildren?” That had made her laugh, the giggle sharp and almost filled with relief. It’d been the first time she’d laughed since the funeral.

“Both you and momma are after grandbabies. Be patient! They’ll happen when they happen. Now, I’m not dressing up for this shindig tonight, but I swear to god Bert if you’re pulling in the other patchovers-” 

He knew the threat was empty but he laughed anyway.

“No, it’s just us. He’s ready. We all are.”

And she couldn’t argue that at all. 

Watching him receive the President patch, it was a moment of pride that made her heart swell as he selected Calum as his VP. Chibs didn’t argue this as he handed his own patch over. They’d already assumed that Ashton was going to have the mantle passed on, but Chibs also knew this wasn’t retirement for him like it was for Bert.

“If you all think that just because Bert here is enjoying the rest of his life with his lovely lady, that I’m gonna do the same, you’re in for rude surprises. Mostly caps to the asses and maybe a bottle over the head.” Michelle let loose a laugh with the others, and she knew that the sadness wouldn’t hurt over time. 

And being able to laugh with her family felt wonderful. 

Ashton had toasted to her for his successes, making the other club members laugh when she flipped him off in return. 

“Does this mean I get a shot?” Calum teased and Michelle had snorted before taking a swig of beer.

“The only shot you’re getting is something for any disease you might carry.” She fired back, and the mock look of hurt crossed his face despite the flush of his cheeks. 

“You wound my heart and my ego, my lady.” 

“Not your lady.” She pointed out and he grinned as he raised his beer in salute and surrendered. Ashton had laughed before slinging his arm over his best friends shoulders.

“Trust me mate, she keeps me out of enough trouble as it is. I reckon if she had to deal with you, you’d send her grey a lot quicker.” This had earned more laughter and Michelle looked thoughtful at that before nodding her agreement, to the laughter of the club members and embarrassment of Calum.

Even with all the plots of revenge and the plans to get payback on her behalf, Michelle took that moment to appreciate that they had her back no matter what the others said or complained about. She’d grown up with these misfits and she knew she’d be keeping her promise to make sure that they kept out of the system now that Ashton was taking over. 

It was that feeling of family that stayed with her as she said her goodbyes a few months later. It was time for her to return to university and work, as much as she was hesitant to do so. Ashton had already promised to visit her the following weekend and it was something small that brought a gentle smile to her lips as she kissed him softly. 

The boys had clubbed together and gotten her her own car. It wasn’t much, but it was a nifty little thing that would get her there and back safely. It didn’t stop the fact that Ashton had pleaded with her to let a couple of them be back up just in case. 

“Luke and Micheal. I would say Bobby, but he’d complain.” The tease was loud enough for the older man to roll his eyes, giving her the two finger salute. Michelle laughed in return.

“Chibs.” Ashton finally spoke up and she sighed before turning to Chibs who knew what was coming. The look on his face was apologetic at least, or so she thought.

“I was already prepared for it. He’d warned me a couple of days ago.” This earned Ashton a stern look and he held his hands up in surrender.

“Until they’re either behind bars or dead, it’s going to worry me. Just, humour me till you’re back home for good.” And she could see his genuine worry and concern, his eyes searching her face.

“Fine. But you owe me next weekend for it.” Ashton grinned at that as he dipped his head to kiss her softly.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less, doll.” His words were for her and her alone, but the wolf whistles still came, making her giggle.

“Alright ya big lugs, time for me to get going or I’m never going to leave.” She finally called and Ashton followed her out. It was with another kiss that she finally pulled away from Ashton and climbed into the car, waving as she and her escorts made their way back to the big city.

She knew that when she returned, she was going to come back fighting.

-

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[ask-the-clergy-bc]

Hiya! So in your opinion what do you think it would take for the Papas and Cardinal Copia to open up and be vulnerable with a S/O? Would it need time and trust, maybe an event which caused them to have an epiphany, or maybe they get caught at a bad time and need some comfort? Thank you!

I accidentally made this into a giant character introspection, whooooooooooops! 

Ooooooooooooooooh boy, this is gonna be a long one so sit down! There’s no easy answer for me to give without a thesis sooooooooooooooooooooo-

Papa’s and Copia - What it Takes to have them be Truly Vulnerable with an S/O

Character flaw and reflection time! I will warn you these men are all far from perfect! 

There’s definitely a LOT of elements and circumstances for each of these Antipopes, so I will try my best to sum it up without letting it get too big! Trust will be the key word in opening them all up! 

A super short answer for this would be a small chart. From easiest to hardest to open up genuinely to an S/O (regardless of the situation), it would look something like this. 

Papa Nihil

Papa I

Cardinal Copia

Papa II

Papa III

Keeping this in mind is actually really important as a lot of it has to play into each personality and life experiences. Even then, this is a super tight race! They all don’t blindly trust and they all have a level of mystery they NEED to keep about them. So it’s a huge mix of their jobs as Papas and who they are deep down. 

There is a reason such things like Prime Movers exist/ Having courtesans and harem members rather than proper spouses. A Papa could easily be compromised by a spouse. With either a partner using them to manipulate the Church, or straight up betraying them. A Papa has to be alert, smart, and VERY VERY sure when choosing a lifelong mate. They have to be able to know without a doubt that they can count on their partner with their very lives and the lives of others. 

THEN there are so many personal factors and circumstances that come into play! It’s safe to say that all of them are emotionally guarded in some way, shape, or form. That comes with the territory of being a Hell Blooded man of power. You don’t know who REALLY loves you, who’s using you, or who wants something. On top of that, the emotional burdens of their work, their faith, personal fears, and the expectations put on them. 

It can be VERY hard to gauge what really clicks for each of them to trust someone. So, as asked, we will take a look into each of them! :)

Papa Nihil:

If you caught him in his younger years, he might have been more trusting with a serious partner. Not out of naivety or blind love, but out of arrogance. Arrogance that a partner could not hurt him even if they betrayed him. Nihil had an ego to him and felt on top of the world- being Papa and nothing to stop him. Not even a broken heart! To him, the worst thing that could happen with an S/O would be heartbreak, and he refused to believe that was anything that could break him! Well… it ended up happening with Sister Imperator. So after she left, he understood the consequences of his actions and what that would actually feel like. It’s not something he’s too keen to feel again. 

As he got older, he hardened. The only one who has really ever seen his softer, vulnerable side has been Imperator. She’s the only one he remotely trusts in the deepest sense, and even then- he has doubted her motives with the introduction of Copia! Nihil learned the hard way that putting your trust in the wrong people can have serious consequences to your life. 

That all being said, two things really work with getting Nihil to be open to you with his feelings. First would be his “test”- not something he purposely does to make his S/O jump through hoops, mind you. Consider it an observation period where he sees how serious a relationship can be with you. Nihil doesn’t mind flings, and as Grand Papa, has a willing harem at his disposal. The first months or years with a single partner is him learning about them. This goes from seeing how serious YOU are, your intentions and sincerity, how well you both click, and how close you end up being. That, and making sure you aren’t just using him. Granted, he doesn’t mind the occasional arm candy or someone who just wants to have fun. Those are just the partners he doesn’t put extra effort into when it comes to emotions or deeper mental intimacy.

The second is just plain old time. If you two become serious, and stick by each other through thick and thin- you will learn about him. Nihil will slowly disclose more and more to you. Don’t go crazy, because the Grand Papa is always watching for any hints of betrayal (nothing personal, it comes with the job.) So the more you are trustworthy, the more he shares. There will be a few tough subjects to crack with him, like his relationship with Imperator and his sons. But the more you mutually talk and grow together, the more things work out. I will warn you, no matter how much he trusts you he IS a stubborn old goat and some information HAS to be pried from him- simply because HE WILL NOT ADMIT ANYTHING TO HIMSELF SOMETIMES. 

Papa I:

Papa can be very open and trusting with a serious partner, that typically is not the problem. Granted, he’s very analytical so his own feelings are something he tries to approach logically. But that’s not the problem. The hurtle would just be you both getting to be a serious couple in the first place. As to him there is a vast difference between a sexual/romantic fling, casual companionship, and the workings of a true mate ship. The last of which is riddled with pitfalls due to his place as Papa and carrier of his bloodline. 

Papa tends to let his sense of duty rule over almost every aspect of his life. He is one of the ‘purest’ followers of Lucifer, and it shows in everything he does! Because of that, he has not typically sat down to consider companionship past his carnal needs and having someone to spend time with. Typically anything deeper would mean something equivalent to our idea of marriage- and with “marriage” to a Papa brings up the topic of possible heirs brought on by the Ministry. When a Papa is heavily involved with someone beyond their casual lovers, the idea of heirs is ALWAYS discussed. The Bloodline HAS to be continued. Depending on the sex of the partner, questions will be asked such as- can the partner become a prime mover? If possible are they SUITABLE? If they can’t have children will they interfere in possible heirs being made? In short, Papa equates “Serious” partners to this duty to sow the seeds of the bloodline’s future. 

That being said, Papa would actually prefer a partner he could be open with. The trick is that he has to snap himself out of thinking just for the family and ministry’s sake. Which is self admittedly a difficult feat for him, because he’s always in work and faith mode. That’s just who he is. The other just has to do with how he treats others. 

Typically Papa is much more interested in what you, his partner, is feeling. This comes with YEARS of thinking of everyone but himself. Papa has had to consider his flock, the will of the high clergy, the will of his father, the wants and needs of his brothers, and those he considers friends or in need of his guidance. Papa knows how to take care of himself, so HIS feelings are almost inconsequential. Papa much rather let you talk and share how you are than consider himself. It typically just takes a bit of asking and prodding on your part to get him to open up if you two have been close for a long time. Being honest and to the point also helps, as it gives him a moment to collect his thoughts and express himself thoroughly. 

Papa II:

Being emotionally vulnerable for Papa II is very difficult. Not because he CHOOSES to be a ‘wounded bitter old man.’ Even though he is very much that AND a known grouch and perfectionist; Papa just doesn’t know HOW to be. Papa does have emotions and he does feel them very deeply when he’s not trying to tough it out. But Papa has never been GOOD at expressing his feelings, even as a child. It’s not something he was in touch with, and not very comfortable for him to think about. Unlike III, Papa II just cannot seem to find it in himself to express his true feelings. Granted, he could put it into words as he is very eloquent. But… it’s difficult. 

On top of that, Papa has never been one to let his weaknesses appear. Emotions are often embraced by Lucifer, as expressing them. But to Papa, these are his weak points and he prides himself too much in keeping all his weaknesses guarded. Papa has crafted himself to cover his vulnerabilities in such a way that they play to his strengths! For his emotions and true feelings, he detaches from them; giving him the ability to lead with a critical and objective mind not bogged down by empathy. As a Papa, this makes him an excellent and analytical leader. As a lover, this often bites him in the ass- especially in pursuing any SERIOUS life time commitments. Something he wasn’t keen on doing in the first place. 

Papa is very aware of how ‘spouses’ work for the Bloodline. Bonding with a potential mate has always been in the interest of furthering the family, not personal fulfillment. He’s tried VERY hard to keep it that way. And like his father, he is painfully aware of those who would manipulate his feelings. And if we were being honest? The idea of genuinely falling in love scares the absolute shit out of Papa. The idea of being so vulnerable to a person who could crush your very soul, the soul of a demon blooded Antipope, is not something to take lightly! And it’s NOT like he has had any good role models to show how true love should operate… 

To win him over, it would be a good idea to show HIM your vulnerable side first. Kinda like when a cat shows you its belly as a sign of trust. LEt him see the ugly side of you, the insecure- but slowly. Don’t hit him all at once with everything. You have to let Papa come to you. It might take a lot of time this way, but it’s a start- there is a reason he feels more comfortable with submission. It makes him feel so much more secure. Also showing your dedication and love through action and not words will be HUGE! Showing him you can be trusted, that you have a good head on your shoulders, and that you have his best interests at heart. Alternatively, if something life altering should happen to him, you supporting him is the ultimate display of your dependability. If you try to force him at any point he will pull back out of reflex. It’s one of the few times he lets your roles be reversed. 

Papa III: 

Many would accuse his older brother, Emeritus the II, of being the hardest to make vulnerable- yet many are surprised that it is actually him! But Papa has spent years weaving a huge web around himself. Papa has so many masks and layers to him out of fear that sometimes even he doesn’t know what part of him is genuine or not. He learned from an early age that he was the most emotional, and most likely to get hurt. And let me tell you something, Emeritus the Third is NOT a man who likes the feeling of being hurt emotionally. It’s practically unbearable for him. He already deals with a lot of emotional burdens from feeling as though he were the ‘weak’ one of the Bloodline. Truth be told, he hasn’t had the best relationship with his father, either. 

What’s worse? As much as he likes to talk about himself, Papa does NOT like talking about his true issues and anxieties. Papa usually deflects in such subtle ways that those close to him THINK he is being vulnerable, when in truth he is being superficial. So when you hear him complain about how the Ministry treats him, or a minor insecurity brought on by an argument with his brother- you are only scratching the surface. And even if he loves you, Papa does not want you to see that ugly, miserable side of him. He doesn’t even want to acknowledge it himself. If he can barely stand these horrible sides to himself, how does he expect you to stay and accept him? 

For Papa III, the key factor would be time and patience. But this is further made difficult with his fleeting interests and inability to commit. The natural way to his vulnerable side is by never leaving his side, assuming he doesn’t forcibly push you away. For example, one of the few who know him deeply is Omega and his eldest brother, Papa I. That’s because they have been around his entire life. Either you would have to be the same, or be there in a huge moment of weakness to have him even remotely come clean. 

The best (or in his case, worse) would be you being there at his absolute lowest point. When he’s so far gone in his emotions that he can’t even muster up the energy to put on a show. When he can’t bring himself to be Papa, to be charming- hell even RUDE AND ANGRY. The best example would be like if you were around after he was stripped of the Ghost Project and made a fool out of publically. That was such a horrible time for him and everyone around him. But if you are there with unconditional love and he SEES that you love him through every facet of his identity, he will want to stick close and loyal to you. It will take MORE time, but little by little Papa ends up baring his soul to you. He’d be lying if he said he still wasn’t afraid to confide in you, least you up and leave...  

Cardinal Copia/Papa IV:

Copia has struggled with trust nearly his whole life, and ALL of his career in the High Ministry. If we are being honest, as welcoming and loving as the church is, the upper clergy is full of deceit and cutthroat tactics. It’s as competitive and dangerous as any monarchy or noble circles. That’s because within it there is a LOT more at stake. Ministry members have vanished or been found dead thanks to inner politics, and Copia has his share of close calls. He’s had to learn to trust no one but yourself, and never EVER let your guard down too much.

Unfortunately, this does bleed into his personal life. Copia has had his share of bed mates and even lovers that have stuck around longer than anticipated. But long term commitments have been very few and far between. And to be honest, he HAS been burned before. From those who sought to betray him to partners who just DIDN’T LIKE who he really was underneath. Copia has buried that hurt and tried to use it as a reminder of why he needs to keep himself until he makes it to the top. Then NO ONE could hurt him the way they could when he was a mere Ministry member.

Copia has always been really cautious around lovers to the point of paranoia. Where he adamantly refused to let himself be weak at any point! He is always good to them, but is just plain scared of letting his guard down. But the difference between Copia and the rest of the Papas is that Copia CRAVES intimate connection like you wouldn’t believe. Sometimes he desperately wants that stability and trust with another person without fear of repercussion. Copia often feels like he can never have it, and it’s one of the few things he wants almost as bad as the Papacy. But he’s never had time or a chance to- far too much to do and too much to risk!

One of the biggest ways Copia ends up calming down around you and actually opening up is if you have been there for the long run. Especially if you two were some type of couple or close BEFORE he was ever chosen for the Ghost project. Copia needs that undying support and consistency to really warm up to you. If you’ve unconditionally been there from the beginning and have not changed since his Papacy, Copia is nothing but loyal to you in return. Copia is a very good actor, but he will still be skittish and reluctant to talk too much. You just have to be patient with him as he gets comfortable. I promise, he wants nothing more than to trust you completely.

[angelsswirl]

Vellichor

The One With The Mate

Summary: The sequel to Petrichor. It's half chronological, half anthology. Basically, every other chapter will be a flashback. This first chapter is in the present day.

Check out the vellichor playlist

...

"This summer's gonna hurt like a motherfucker"

"Taylor? As in Taylor Park? You think your mate is Taylor Park?" Jisoo's eye twitched. This couldn't be happening. This was her worst nightmare come true. Ryland was her favorite. How could she do this to her?!

"Well, technically her last name is Bae-Park, but yeah same person." Ryland could see where this was going from a mile away. It was why she had been reluctant to tell her mother in the first place.

All she really knew was that her Mama had some type of beef with Taylor's Mom for no apparent reason. No one will tell her why and she doesnt think anyone ever will.

You rolled your eyes at your wife. You waved a dismissive hand in Jisoo's direction as if to say 'Don't mind her'. You then gestured for your daughter to get closer. You wrapped her in a hug.

"We're happy for you, Ry." You had to hold back at least a tear or two. Your babies were growing up in front of your eyes.

And sure Ryland was 19 going on 20, she didn't even live in the house anymore, but still. She's your baby. They all are.

Jisoo huffed, "Who is we? Do you speak french? Rosè Park's kid?! You couldn't have swung for Jennie's kid or Irene's? Literally anyone else?" LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE.

Her eye is still twitching. In all honesty, she might have something stuck in it. She gestured for you to look at her eye just in case.

Ryland pouted at her mother, "Mama, that's not how this works and you know it. I know you two have your history or whatever but that has nothing to do with Taylor and I. She treats me nice and I love her. She's a good alpha."

Now the other eye is twitching.

"It's fine, Mama. I already told the kid if she messed up I'd kick her ass." Lia shrugged. She was strewn across the couch, her leather jacket somehow crease-less even as she layed on it.

"That doesn't make me feel better." Jisoo rolled her eyes at her oldest daughter. Lia might be the tallest out of the 5 of them, but they had it on good authority that she was very fragile. Taylor Bae-Park would beat her ass.

Lia shrugged again, "Well, I tried." She turned back to the television she had been only sort of watching.

Peyton, who sat on the opposite end of the couch, watched her family silently. She was taking extensive mental notes on how this went for future references.

"Jisoo, I'm sure everything will be alright. We'll invite Taylor and her family over for dinner and you can interrogate all you want." You patted Jisoo on the chest and kissed her cheek softly.

Jisoo shook her head, still not the least bit thrilled with the day's turn of events. "Taylor Park is not your mate and that's final."

Ryland glared at her mother before hurrying to her room and slamming the door shut.

Peyton nodded to herself. She was going to say absolutely nothing about her alpha when the time came. Jisoo would most definitely have another fit.

You glared at your wife before turning on your heel. You pranced around the living room, looking for your youngest.

You found him in front of the TV, positively engrossed in whatever show Lia was watching.

You picked him up and cuddled him into your arms, "You won't ever grow up and leave me like your sisters, will you?"

The four year old shook his head, then buried it in your neck.

"Thank you, my beautiful baby boy. I don't know what I'd do." You kissed his cheek multiple times before setting him on Lia's chest, "Here, bother your sister until she remembers she's a grown woman with her own apartment."

Kaleb didn't listen, instead he layed his head down onto Lia's chest and promptly fell asleep.

"Good going, Kaleb. Now she'll never leave." Peyton mumbled under her breath. Somehow you still heard her if the swat to her head was anything to by.

"Hey! You just pretty much said the same thing."

"I'm an adult."

"I turn 18 next month!"

"And?"

Peyton went to say something but you gave her that look and she cleverly decided against it.

You walked back over to your mate and pulled her into the secluded kitchen.

"Now why are you being stubborn?"

Jisoo pouted, "I'm not being stubborn."

"Oh, then I'll go tell Ryland to invite Taylor over-"

"Wait!"

"That's what I thought."

"I'm not being stubborn. I just don't want her dating a Park."

"Jisoo. What has Chaeyoung ever done to you?"

"You! She did you!" Jisoo exclaimed loudly. Luckily, there was a thick, close able door to the kitchen.

"That was almost 20 years ago. I thought we moved passed that." Your voice softened. Who knew a decision you made would still be biting you in the ass 20 years later.

"I-we did. We did. But it's the principle of the thing. I don't know. I'm just not comfortable with it." Jisoo's shoulders slumped.

You hugged your wife tightly, "I think it's time we tell them. They're old enough. Hell, Lia was there when it happened."

Jisoo's nose scrunched in protest.

"Ryland will never be able to understand where you're coming from if she doesn't have all the facts." You pecked Jisoo on the lips lightly, your arms loosely folded around the alpha's neck.

Jisoo nodded hesitantly, "Fine, but I reserve the right to pout the entire time."

You laughed lightly, "You've got yourself a deal, Alpha."

[mst3kproject]

Sorority Girl

 It can be hard to find this specific movie, since several others have been made with the same title, even as recently as the nineties.  Us MSTies, however, demand the original – the one with Susan Cabot and June Kenney from The Viking Women and the Sea Serpent and Dick Miller from Gunslinger and It Conquered the World.  It was produced and directed by the reliably awful Roger Corman, and Ms. Cabot has apparently said in interviews that they didn’t really have a script, just a list of stuff that was supposed to happen.  Sorority Girl is a step up from Curse of Bigfoot, but that’s praise so faint that you’d need the Hubble Space Telescope to pick it out.

College student Sabra is a colossal bitch and nobody likes her.  Unsurprisingly, the only person who doesn’t understand the correlation between these two facts is Sabra herself.  Determined that others should suffer the way she has, she plays her sorority sisters against each other until her mind games drive one of them to attempt suicide. Then I think she drowns herself. The end.

On a technical level, Sorority Girl looks and sounds very nice – the photography is crisp and the blocking and direction, while nothing spectacular, tell us what we need to know. You can tell who’s who and remember everybody’s names, and the costume designer did a good job of suggesting everybody’s personalities and goals through their clothing.  The soundtrack puts both music and silence to pretty good use. The only glaring flaw in the film itself is a scene in which the sound of rolling waves almost drowns out the dialogue, but that might just be my sound system.

It’s sufficiently well put-together that it makes me kind of angry, because all that relative competence is in the service of this nasty, depressing movie that hates everybody and everything.  Watching it makes you feel like you need a shower. The movie is here to show us women being horrible and spanking each other (no, really), but it’s not even over-the-top enough to be any fun.

I don’t understand who we’re supposed to root for in this movie.  It can’t be Sabra herself, because she’s thoroughly horrible and there’s not even any reason for her to be doing what she does.  It’s not like the others have wronged her in any way – if they had, perhaps we could take some nasty joy in her revenge but we can’t. If the rest of the girls had any sort of spine we could root for them, but they’re nonentities.  Future student president Rita stands up tall in front of voters but is a pushover in a crunch.  Shy Ellie is nothing but Sabra’s punching bag and we feel sorry for her but she’s too pathetic to actually like.  Troubled Tina is pregnant and we feel for her predicament but she, too, is more an object of pity than a heroine.  Sabra’s mother seems to love her but doesn’t understand what she needs.

Sabra’s motivations remain a mystery even to herself. She makes various excuses for them throughout the movie – she claims she wants revenge on Rita’s boyfriend Mort for snubbing her.  She gets Tina to join her in her blackmail scheme because she says they both need money. At the end she yells at everybody, saying she was driven to this because they wouldn’t let her into their clique. No sort of excuse is ever given for her appalling cruelty to Ellie, who really does seem to look up to her.  In Sabra’s own words, she just feels driven to hurt people and doesn’t know why.

All her schemes fail anyway.  She doesn’t manage to take Mort away from Rita.  She doesn’t manage to get the money she tries to blackmail him for.  She doesn’t even succeed in staying out of trouble for the shit she’s already pulled, since at the end everybody gets together, agrees she’s terrible, and turns her in.  We’re left feeling like this whole story went by and nothing was ever accomplished. The other characters’ stories don’t come to any conclusion either.  We don’t find out if Rita won the election or if she and Mort will get married.  We don’t find out what’s going to happen to Tina other than that her parents are coming to pick her up.  We don’t find out if Ellie got a life.  Everything is just left dangling.

It is never explicit how old any of these characters are supposed to be, but both Sabra and Tina are said to be financially dependent on their parents, and the movie seems to be going for some sort of statement about young people getting into trouble when unsupervised, so I’m going to assume they’re undergraduates.  All the actors are, of course, about thirty.  Some of them, like June Kenney as Tina, look younger.  Some, like Barbara Cowan as Ellie, are trying to look younger and failing.  Others, like Dick Miller as Mort, look older.  The biggest casting mistake was forty-year-old Fay Baker as Sabra’s mother. She’s just barely old enough to have a college-aged child, but Susan Cabot is in no way young enough to be that child. I could buy Baker as Cabot’s stepmother, but when she’s supposed to be her actual mother I just keep thinking of Space Mutiny.

Perhaps it’s not fair to complain about Mort’s age, since he manages the campus pub and may not be a student.  If that’s the case, though, it does make one wonder about his relationship with undergraduate Rita… and the string of prior student girlfriends he’s mentioned… so let’s just not go there.

We get hints that Sabra may be mentally ill. She seems to be upset by her own inability to stop doing terrible things, and at one point reaches out to her mother for help.  Her mother assumes she just wants money, and brushes her off.  Perhaps we’re meant to think Sabra feels ignored and powerless, and therefore seeks power in whatever form she can get it.  We’re probably supposed to feel sorry for her but other than the one visit to her mother she never seems to make any real attempt to better herself.  She gives up, goes back to school, and resumes trying to ruin everybody’s life.  It’s really quite appropriate that the movie is bookended by Sabra sitting on the beach whining about how she wishes she could start over, because it ends exactly where it began.  Sabra is still a colossal bitch and nobody likes her.

If this movie were going to have any sort of punch, I really think it needed to be just a tiny bit longer.  Rather than watching Sabra just sit and cry on the seashore, we needed to see her face the consequences of her actions, whether that was arrest, expulsion, disownment, or some combination of the above.  Her implied suicide is just a means whereby both she and the writers can avoid any thought of consequences, and is inherently unsatisfying.

Watching the movie for the first time, I really expected Tina to jump and for the truth to come out only after she was dead.  Realizing she had somebody’s blood on her hands might have been enough to shock Sabra out of her self-absorbed haze and actually try to be a better person, only to find it was far too late.  That this does not happen is in some ways a relief, but it also kind of feels like the movie chickened out.  Tina dying would certainly not have made Sorority Girl into a good movie, but it would have been a far more impactful one.

On the other hand, Tina not dying includes the single detail in this entire movie that I actually liked.  Throughout the movie, Tina has been sitting on her terrible secret and wondering what to do about it.  She never tells a soul – Sabra only finds out because Ellie, Tina’s room-mate, heard her talking in her sleep – out of fear that she’ll be branded a slut and treated as an outcast.  Such was the 50’s.  Certainly the thought of telling her parents never even seems to occur to her.

But the movie never treats the situation as Tina’s fault.  Her pregnancy is not a punishment as Paula’s was in The Violent Years, it’s just a problem that exists and one Tina isn’t coping with very well.  Other than Sabra, everybody who finds out about it takes steps to help.  Ellie immediately tells Sabra because she believes that Sabra will know what to do – and when Sabra orders her to keep the secret for Tina’s sake, Ellie does so even when interrogated by the house mother.  Sabra, being the colossal bitch she is, then blackmails Tina into blackmailing Mort, threatening to tell everybody he’s the father unless he gives her money.  Mort refuses to be blackmailed but he doesn’t judge Tina for being pregnant.  Instead, once she’s gone he gets in touch with her parents for her… and they don’t judge her either, but immediately come to her aid. So good on the writers, if there were any, for that!

This solidarity also makes the point that all the girls in this sorority really are there for each other and it’s literally just Sabra who is the reason they can’t have nice things.  I still don’t know if we’re really supposed to feel sorry for Sabra but this particular detail makes it even harder.

Of all the movies that were ever on MST3K, the one Sorority Girl most reminds me of is The Sidehackers.  They don’t have anything in common plot-wise, but both have endings in which nobody wins and it seems like there was no point besides to make the audience feel crummy and lose all faith in the human race.  I don’t know what was going on in the year 1957, but here in 2020 we do not need help with that shit.  I’m gonna go watch Pixar movies for the rest of the week.